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Snitching

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  • February 19, 2018 at 3:47 pm #193441
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Recently I was sitting with a follow volunteer who also happens to be my husband’s boss. And I revealed to her that there was another male member that we both know who was creepy towards me and seemed to be attracted to me and changed once i was no longer running for a position

    She revealed to me that he sees me as a daughter figure  and that he is the most trustworthy guy that she knows. Then she said before judging a person try to look at the situation thoroughly

    Yesterday she called me and asked me to give her more details about the situation of how he made me feel uncomfortable. I did not know the reason behind this call or the motive and how she would use the information being that shes in a position of powrr and there are alot of personal agendas and politics in this organization which of course did not cross my mind when i was speaking to her

    But I held off telling her specific incidences over the phone and delayed rhe call and spoke with my husband about it immediately which he was aware that this other member wad creepy

    In the meantime my husband and i both agreed that I should not have had this conversation with this woman because it veers on the topic of sexual harassment and is a very serious allegation that can cause a very big problem and this is not good drama

    I can’t help but think that I’ve done this before which is open up to someone who has ulterior motives and uses what I say against someone else and burn a bridge and cause conflict with the guy who is a family man and i happen to like. I can’t help but feel like I opened up a can of worms that cannot be unsealed and am unsure if i going crazy or i just am immature no self control just lack awareness am stupid or what

    My husband spoke with her and assures me that everything is fine

    But i think i talk too much which i just do and feel guilty about putting myself and others in this uncomfortable situation

    I i feel like a p.o.s. who always brings drama and messes up my relationships

    What are your observations?

     

    February 19, 2018 at 4:14 pm #193451
    Mark
    Participant

    JFlow,

    Rule of thumb is not to talk about others.  That is called gossip.

    You can talk about your own experience without gossiping.

    This “talk too much” is not in itself a bad thing in my opinion.

    For this incident you talked about someone who works with or for your husband’s boss which is not cool.

    This is where mindfulness comes in.  I recommend practicing mindfulness.

    Mark

    February 19, 2018 at 4:31 pm #193461
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Mark I agree with you as far as gossiping however one clarification not sure if it will make a huge difference we all work together but my husbands boss and this other guy are older and in higher positions

    February 19, 2018 at 4:31 pm #193463
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Mark I agree with you as far as gossiping however one clarification not sure if it will make a huge difference we all work together but my husbands boss and this other guy are older and in higher positions

    February 19, 2018 at 4:32 pm #193465
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    We all work together

    February 20, 2018 at 7:49 am #193525
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear JFlow:

    I used to talk too much as well, used to talk before thinking. I don’t do that anymore. And it feels so much better to be able to practice self control as to the flow of the words coming out of my mouth (or typed on these very threads)-

    Between the impulse or urge to say something questionable and the actual saying, take a pause, take a moment and think: who am I speaking to? What is the goal of me sharing this, what am I trying to accomplish? What are the consequences of what I am about to say?

    anita

     

    February 20, 2018 at 9:16 am #193539
    Mark
    Participant

    JFlow,

    Mindful Speaking: A Practice That Can Change Your Reality

    before you speak, it’s a good idea to ask yourself three questions:

    Is this true?
    Is it kind?
    Is it necessary?

    February 20, 2018 at 8:29 pm #193637
    VJ
    Participant

    Hi JFlow,

    1) I am going to suggest you the same thing that Mark suggested.

    “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates:

    At the first gate, ask yourself “Is is true?”

    At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”

    At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”

    ~ Rumi

    Before saying anything allow your mind to pass through each of the 3 gates and say it only when there is a YES at each gate. In due course of time and practice, it will become fast enough to pass through these filters before saying anything.

    Save the below image and keep it in your mobile and refer to it quite often.

     

    2) Also I suggest you to take a look at the 1st among the ‘Four Agreements’

    1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

    More details on how to use the 1st Agreement is in the below link and also in other places of the web.

    Be Impeccable With Your Word

     

    Best wishes,

    VJ

     

     

     

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