Dear jake22:

Facing this fear will take more than one month, the time left for this class. I suggest you talk to the teacher of that class, regarding the 30% of grade, and explain to him your fear of talking in a group. Ask if he can substitute these 30% with a different requirement from you personally.

As to your fear of speaking, how long has it been going on- since you were a child? Were you criticized as a child for saying the wrong things, punished maybe, somehow?

anita

Jake perhaps you could sit right in the first bench, towards the side and then raise your hand to make the point. Have a question to ask your professor right after the class and mention that you get nervous though you do know what the answer it.

Hi Jake 🙂 Let me start by saying that not only do I completely understand your feelings but I’ve been there many many times myself. It truly is a sticky situation when you have the desire and will to be happy in social situations yet seem completely inhibited by your own self. So what really is inhibiting people like you and I? Well let me share with you a concept that has changed my life completely.
Limiting Beliefs and Negative Self Talk.
Every human being has beliefs and all these beliefs are created from experiences we have in the world. Where one child may excel in his Junior High speech class and the other child does not. Both children create beliefs from these experiences. “I can speak comfortably in front of people.” “I am smart to speak in front of others” are both beliefs someone might form from doing well in that class. Where as the other child may form beliefs such as “I am not smart enough or good enough to speak in front of class.” “My friends wont appreciate what I have to say.” “Ill stutter with my words and forget everything I have to say.” “I am just not good enough.”
When you have a limiting self belief and encounter a situation where this belief is relevant ( or even throughout your daily life). The belief will pass through your mind as “negative self talk.” Some people call this “mind chatter” or “the thinking mind.” One important thing to realize is that YOU are not your mind. Being able to separate your thoughts from your sense of self is one of the most useful things you could do. This allows you to take a step back and look at your beliefs in a different light as soon as they emerge or reemerge. It gives awareness and awareness gives choice. There are many useful resources out there that can cover this “duality of self” in much greater depth than I can. If you are interested try googling it.
So what are your limiting beliefs Jake? If they are anywhere CLOSE to being as evil and depressive as mine then you are in good hands 🙂 By the simple act of me not speaking in class when I want to.. My mind creates beliefs such as “Colt you really are not good enough for this.” “Its too late too speak up now because they will only wonder why i haven’t spoken before and then they’ll make fun of me.” “I obviously dont have the mental resources for this and i never will.” Beliefs are power. When you believe you cant do something then guess what you cant or wont do it. When you believe you are not worthy of love then you will never find love. Nobody in this world who has achieved great and admirable things did so WITHOUT believing that they COULD first. Would have Niel Armstrong suited up and jumped aboard Apollo 11 if he didn’t believe that he would make it all the way to the moon? I somehow doubt it. So believing is key! Easier said than done right?
Well here is where I point you to far more qualified people who can help you Tremendously.
We all know we have pressure points on our body. But whats the purpose of them? Well I’m not too sure.. but I do know that by following this seemingly ridiculous method of “tapping” on specific pressure points while verbalizing our limiting beliefs I experienced an almost INSTANT shift in perspective. It sounds hippie woo woo but you must try this for yourself. I felt the cliche weight of boulders lifted off of my shoulders. I felt happier and more willing to talk to people. I felt less afraid and confident about my future. It seems like magic to me even now.

The Tapping Solution (EFT): The Future of Mental Wellness Has Arrived

Also try reading this article. It opened my eyes up to my own possibilities in social situations. Instead of dreading them, now I let myself flow effortlessly through conversations. The result? A greater quality of friendships and a greater quantity people who truly understand and support me 🙂

3 Reasons to Stop Worrying About Your Negative Thoughts

One last note. Since you may or may not have just heard of the concept of limiting beliefs. Beware of the ultimate limiting belief that caught me off guard. The belief that you must “fix yourself.” For this is just as limiting as all the other 🙂 I do hope I helped in some way. Stay strong and stay humble.