June 10, 2018 at 12:25 pm #211941
I need help to get through this and don’t know where to turn anymore. 9 weeks ago my partner left me after a 7 year relationship. We got engaged in December and I was so happy, we were in the process of purchased our third Home together. We sold out last home a few months back and we were living in our caravan until the new purchase completed. He has his own business and I worked for him self employed. I found out I was pregnant in February and although we had discussed having a baby we thought it was too soon with the business and the move. We booked in to have the baby terminated. He didn’t come with me for that I had to go on my own which was upsetting enough but the next day he left me for good. Just said he no longer a feel the same way about me. I was, am still, devastated ? I then had to pass the foetus on my own in the caravan. In a matter of minutes I lost a baby, my fiancé, my home and my job. I went to a private counselling but that didn’t help at all so I am now on 80mg propanol and 40mg citralopram to help me which does most of the time. I have picked myself up and brushed myself off, got a new job, rented a little 1 bed on my own and have been accepted to do a MSc at a close by university. But I’m struggling, a lot, the tears are just a constant waterfall. I have lost so much and it’s all too much to process. I’m better but still quite bad. I just wish the world would open up and swallow me. I’m worn out from crying. I’m scared of being on my own but what hurts most is that I miss him. I’m scared I won’t wver get over this and then I may never get married and have a family of my own. He has left me broken and who wants someone this damaged. I know everyone keeps saying time but I have been suffering from mild depression for years and now it’s even worse. I have high blood pressure so the propanol helps bring that down but I’m high risk if I become pregnant. I’m 33 years old now and I have lost everything. I have great family and friends but it’s not enough to pull me though ?June 10, 2018 at 5:35 pm #211969
I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time and that it feels like you lost everything. Starting over is definitely not an easy thing to do especially when dealing with a broken heart and depression. 7 years is a long time to be with someone and it will take time for you to heal from this unfortunately they do not make pills for broken hearts.
You have done a lot in the span of 9 weeks, got a new job, new apartment and going back to school those are HUGE steps in such a short amount of time. That shows that you are much stronger than you realize. You are not damaged just a little broken right now and it is nothing to be ashamed of it’s just what you are going through at this point in your life. I know you probably do not see this right now but sometimes the most painful times will lead to much better times. As hard as it is sometimes you need to lose everything so that you can start a new and possibly better life.
You are still young at 33 years old you still have such a huge part of your life ahead of you, this is hard to do but try not to stress about what will be rather try to focus on what needs to heal now. Be proud of everything you have done to pick yourself up so far, focus on your studies, your new job and maybe take the time to decorate your apartment if you have not done so yet and if that cheers you up a little. Enjoy having your friends and family around, I know it does not make the pain go away but at least you don’t have to go through it alone. Keep going as much as you can, allow yourself to have the feelings you have(without judging yourself) the harder you try to fight them the harder it will be to move on. If you enjoy writing you can try writing down how you feel sometimes it will give you a different perspective.
Eventually, your heart will become less heavy and it will be easier for you to breath, you will be stronger with everything you have gone through. Chances are that you WILL get married and have kids, it might happen sooner than you think or realize. Try to see it as starting over a better life instead of having lost everything.June 11, 2018 at 4:32 am #211971
Hi Nikki – –
This is what I read in your post. You’ve experienced an incredibly difficult, heart wrenching life event. You survived. Your former fiance survived. In the midst of this emotioal turmoil, you had the strength to do what was necessary to care for yourself. You have a job, an apartment, family, friends, and most of all you have yourself: someone who from what I can tell is pretty darn resilient and resourceful. You have NOT lost everything. It just hurts; you’re expressing a natural emotional response.
You now have the experience, the knowledge, to share this experience with others; and there are so many others who do not have the resilience and resourcefulness you’ve shown. There are so many others who experience incredibly difficult, heart wrenching life events, and they’ve never known love, don’t know this precious gift alone is enough to pull you through. And many don’t. They don’t survive. You will. And you will share your love, your strength, your resilience, your resourcefulness with others and you will know love again. In fact, you know it now.
Cry, get mad, break something if it helps. Then laugh, even if you don’t feel like it. Hug someone who needs it. Seek out someone you can help. You’ve got so much to give don’t let it be consumed by this emotional time.June 12, 2018 at 5:10 am #212161
You’ve been through a lot. And I relate to you a lot. I was at sea about my whole life, not knowing what will be the future and what I shoush be doing. You’re doing so much better than me. I went straight into depression. My boyfriend left me, and I loved him to pieces. He left and I was shook. Torn apart. I was put on meds. I was in 1st year of my college, living in hostel and I couldn’t attend lectures. So I left the university and came back to my home. Still depressed. I feared if I’ll be able to love again. I felt like I had lost the capacity. After him I never loved someone, I still don’t, it’s been two years. But now I’m open and welcoming new good people in my life. And I am allowing myself to fall in love again. Because I love myself more. Yes I did love him. I did cry, cut myself, tried killing myself but all that stuff helped me move on. And by moving on I don’t mean hating him, instead forgiving him. It takes time. It still does, sometimes I still get all angry thinking of him. But it doesn’t affect me now. He’s gone let him be. I understand your pain dear, but you’re stronger feel the pain and then get out of it. It’ll take time but keep yourself busy. Go to meet people you love. You can’t forcefully keep someone, it’d have been even worse if you had children with him, think of living whole life with a man who doesn’t love you. It’s good that he did now. It’d have been more devastating. Cry and build a bridge and get over. You got a great life ahead. Take care. And if possible please try to go to therapy… It helps…June 12, 2018 at 8:49 am #212225
Thank you all for your kind words, I have signed up to ‘Meet Up’ and I’m going to attend a yoga and meditation session tonight to try and meet new people. I broke down in tears today in the middle of a shop, fortunately it was quiet but one of the assistants came and sat with me and comforted me. It’s kind people like yourselves and others like today that will help me through this difficult time. I just can’t help but think he was supposed to be my soulmate. I don’t want to hurt anymore though, the heartbreak is so much to carry around and I’m tired. I will keep pushing on. I have tried therapy with 2 different people and I just can’t seem to get my head around it. I am hoping the yoga and meditation will help me tonight and I can start to see some light at the end of the tunnel.June 13, 2018 at 4:18 am #212313
Dear Nikki 1984:
I hope you feel better soon. I don’t know if it will help you to share about it (and get some input on what you share), but if it will help you, do share: what happened? Why did he quit on the relationship after seven years?