Hi Dani, I’m also new here. I have a similar dilemma; I was born an orthodox christian and was raised by my parents to go to church, attend the mass and have the holy communion. This was ever since my late late late grandparents and down to my generation. 2 years ago in 2016, I came across a book by Dr.Joseph Murphy, a divine scientist, in which he was talking about bible truths that set us free and he talked about how the concept of hell is metaphysical and not literal and that was a slap in the face to me, I became interested in his books after reading his book: ‘The power of the subconscious mind’ and I became interested in the law of attraction and new age stuff but the concept of no hell and no sin was so against my core religious beliefs and it sent me on an emotional rollarcoaster trying to figure out the truth. I spent 2017 reading books interpreting the bible metaphysically and I still couldn’t be sure if their version was right or religion’s version since it could be interpreted both ways, so I just tried to connect to God/the divine – whatever you want to call him/her/it- and I’m quite on the side of new age and LOVE as the main value and that a loving God can never deprive anyone from him no matter how evil they were on earth and that there will always be a chance to let go of evil and do good. I’m still not 100% sure and I still don’t open up about it to anyone for fear of being intimidated back into Christianity as I tend to be influenced by intimidation very easily, but that’s what makes me feel God’s love and peace, that I don’t have to worry about other people.

Hi Dani, I think we’re all on a spiritual journey, so take comfort in that and realize that your friends and family probably are too. I wasn’t raised very religiously either, although I did attend a Christian church sometimes and received communion & confirmation. I started to reject my parents church when they said things in the service that I felt were offensive or marginalized people (which by the way is not the way of Jesus). After that I became pretty uncomfortable with the words “God” or “Jesus” and would cringe when people brought them up. The way I’ve become more comfortable with it is by researching more mystical traditions, including Christian mystic theology, and seeing the symbolic value behind the Jesus story (and other bible stories as well). I might not believe in the literal translation, but I feel there’s something to be gained from these stories. Its normal to feel judged in conversations where people disagree with you, but I think that if you focus more on values rather than beliefs, you’ll find that you have a lot more in common with people than you think. I’m not sure if you’re looking for resource suggestions, but I’ve found a lot of comfort in The Liturgists podcast. But wherever you turn, realize that you are definitely not alone!