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  • #106610
    Felix
    Participant

    I seem to be posting a lot on this site, but that’s because I am loving the helpful and kind responses from a lot of people. I truly appreciate it

    So here is what’s going on! I am starting a new job on Tuesday. They are flying me out to another state for some training for 3 days. This is an amazing company and a great job, hopefully. The job itself will be mostly work from home, but the initial training will be at one of the offices.

    Everyone has 1st day anxiety and I am not any different, but my problem is a little different.
    1. I am not American and even though I’ve been here for 26 out of 38 years of my life, I still don’t fully integrate just because my culture is so different from American culture. And I am a little scared they will see me as weird or I won’t be able to get them. It’s not like I don’t know anything about American culture, I do, I know more than a lot of natives, but I am still an outsider and I have to switch to “American” when working with Americans. I hope I explained myself correctly. I just want to succeed at this job more than anything. I wanted this job with this company so badly and I got it. And I want to do everything possible to fit in, do my best, and hopefully (crossing my fingers) grow. Plus, it’s mostly work from home, so I’ll have to time to study to increase my technical knowledge which will help me grow, eventually.

    2. And the second thing is the typical anxiety associated with first day on a new job. I’ve read plenty of “10 Steps to alleviate anxiety when starting a new job” and to be honest with you, most of them are dumb as shit. I am a very straight forward type of a guy. It’s hard for me to pretend or be fake. I know I should “Fake it ’till I make it”, but that’s a problem for me. I feel as if though I should know everything aASAP and if I don’t then I am a complete failure. Is this typical and should “relax” and just “chill” and “do my best”, or is there something else to this? Again, more than anything, I want to do well. I don’t mean kiss ass, be someone’s piñata, or suck up just to be the popular kid out there, but for them to see that I want this more than anything. I’ve screwed up at my last two jobs and I don’t mean I did something bad. I mean I screwed up by being passing, not active at all, not interested in more than what I had to do. And this is different. I believe I was given a huge chance and I don’t want to f$ck it up!

    What should I do\not do?

    #106614
    Matty
    Participant

    @mnml

    Everyone has 1st day anxiety and I am not any different, but my problem is a little different.

    To address your first issue, i don’t think you necessarily have to prove how ‘American’ you are. I should mention that I’m Australian so i’m not quite sure what american culture is like (beyond the stereotypes). If you are only at training for a couple of days then i don’t think it should be too much of an issue. Instead of embracing yourself as the ‘other’ or in the ‘out group’ embrace yourself as a multinational, multicultural person who has acculturated to American way of life. Don’t focus on your skin, race or nationality, focus on your similarities, you are (with the others) a member of the company you are now working at. This is your ‘in group’. Focus on conveying similarities rather than the differences. You never know, everyone at training could actually be from other countries or come from different cultures. In the case of Australia a recent study stated that 25% of of Australians weren’t born here. So we all come from different cultures and homelands. I think you should also understand that even if you are raised in the same country and share the same language, you can be influenced and raised differently. People take for granted how similar yet how very different and unique we all are.

    And the second thing is the typical anxiety associated with first day on a new job.

    Yeah, don’t fake it. Faking it is basically being defeatist and saying i’m not good enough now, so i will pretend i am. instead of ‘being yourself’ or ‘just relax’, focus on what you are getting out of this opportunity, which you mention a couple times ‘to grow’. You don’t want to mess it up, well try not to. When you think you are messing up, try to take a step back. If this is what you want, then this is your goal, your holy grail, and you got your fingers on it. Hold on to it. If you are driven and find purpose in your job, then this attitude will reflect in your mentality and performance. If you don’t know something, don’t say “I don’t know”. Some people are dicks about this kind of thing, someone will say “i don’t know” and another will say “why not?” etc. etc.They will accuse you of not having proper knowledge when said person might only know the answer because they reviewed it an hour before. Instead just say you haven’t encounter this problem, question, issue before. Because you cannot be expected to know everything without a bit of background knowledge and experience. In regards to being passive and not engaging, think of it more like you are being more sociable rather than trying to kiss ass. The point is more to get to know the others as coworkers, especially if you ever meet again and work together. Ask questions, being interested in the answer. Social understanding 101. Think of it as making connections, not making friends.

    Think of your training as a list of small objectives.

    I hope this helps,
    Good luck
    MAtty

    #106630
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear mnml:

    Your anxiety is very common. Quite normal, I would say. And it has nothing to do with your intelligence or skills.

    What I suggest is that you will be authentic, true to yourself, when training, when interacting with other people. The thing I want to clarify is what I mean by “authentic.”

    What I do not mean is that you will tell everyone that you feel anxious, that you will break down crying in front of others, that you will express your annoyance/ anger with those who may annoy you. What I mean is that while you keep some things to yourself, do not try to cover up what you truly feel with fake behavior. Let’s say you feel annoyed at someone. Make a note to yourself that you feel that way and don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling it (or any feeling at all that you experience), and do not smile to that person so to “cover up” your annoyance, or do any other ingratiating behavior toward that person.

    When you feel that you didn’t understand something and that you need to be perfect, make note of that, detect this feeling and the thoughts involve that you are already familiar with and do not obsess on those. Instead, accept these feelings and focus on the job at hand. Remind yourself again and again that you are there to learn and NOT to be perfect. Focus on the process of learning without being soley focused on the desired result.

    In your interactions with people, be polite but not ingratiating, not trying to be liked and accepted. You may spot others (!) doing that and say to yourself: I am not going to do that. Return again and again to a resolution you may choose to make before starting training, and that is: To Thine Own Self Be True.

    Please do post again. I would like your experience to be indeed, different and better than before, and that is very possible for you!

    anita

    #107629
    Brie
    Participant

    @mnml I’m late to party. Here are some stuff that helped me:

    1) list of common questions to ask strangers. Since work related, examples include:

    – what do you do around here?
    – how long have you worked at the company?
    – what’s a good place for lunch? would you like to join me tomorrow?

    2) list of things you should avoid + list of things to do. For example,

    – no complaining
    – avoid gossip
    – if must get up,

    – smile frequently
    – listen for what point the other person is trying to make

    3) you know Amy Cuddy?

    4) bring a notepad + write things down

    5) speak up concerns

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