Hi,

after more than a year of being single I started dating again. I dated before, but this time I had a spark with a guy I met just a week ago. He seems very intellectual, good looking and ambitious. I’m also ambitious and in love with deep conversations.

But.. After the last relationship I was very triggered (even though it lasted less than six months), i became suicidal and ended up in the hospital. I’m very much afraid if this will happen again.

It’s still hard for me to understand if I like him or is it just me liking the feeling that he likes me? I’m also pushing everything too fast (just in my head at the moment), I already showed him my friends and checking him every hour on social media. I become obsessive..  We also had sex which I am not very proud of, as I said to myself to wait for longer.

I’m lost because my borderline patterns (I have borderline personality disorder and anxiety) happen again. I want this to work, but at the same time doesn’t understand if its a good fit. In this year I dated many guys, but didnt’ have a spark with anyone.

You can probably feel how messy I feel in my head, it started to be hard to focus on my daily routines and just living my life. Sometimes I start thinking that I suppose to be single to stay sane.

How should I slow the pace and make it healthy first time in my life?