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Starting new relationship while having BPD

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  • #404156
    Marija
    Participant

    Hi,

    after more than a year of being single I started dating again. I dated before, but this time I had a spark with a guy I met just a week ago. He seems very intellectual, good looking and ambitious. I’m also ambitious and in love with deep conversations.

    But.. After the last relationship I was very triggered (even though it lasted less than six months), i became suicidal and ended up in the hospital. I’m very much afraid if this will happen again.

    It’s still hard for me to understand if I like him or is it just me liking the feeling that he likes me? I’m also pushing everything too fast (just in my head at the moment), I already showed him my friends and checking him every hour on social media. I become obsessive..  We also had sex which I am not very proud of, as I said to myself to wait for longer.

    I’m lost because my borderline patterns (I have borderline personality disorder and anxiety) happen again. I want this to work, but at the same time doesn’t understand if its a good fit. In this year I dated many guys, but didnt’ have a spark with anyone.

    You can probably feel how messy I feel in my head, it started to be hard to focus on my daily routines and just living my life. Sometimes I start thinking that I suppose to be single to stay sane.

    How should I slow the pace and make it healthy first time in my life?

     

     

    #404164
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Marija:

    I had a spark with a guy I met just a week ago… checking him every hour on social media. I become obsessive.. We also had sex…  I have borderline personality disorder… Sometimes I start thinking that I am supposed to be single to stay sane“- for a woman suffering from borderline personality disorder (bpd), nothing is more difficult to control than a sparky romantic relationship. The spark grows into a fire in the speed of light and you find yourself feeling out of control, don’t you? . This is why it feels saner to be single: no relationship sparks=no fire.

    How should I slow the pace and make it healthy first time in my life?“-it’s going to be difficult. You will have to practice heavy duty emotion regulation skills. One way to do this is to listen to guided meditations with the mindfulness theme and do other mindfulness exercises. Are you familiar with the concepts I italicized here?

    anita

    #404179
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Marija

    Are you seeing a therapist at the moment? If not it might be a good idea to reconnect and discuss this situation. It might ease your anxiety. I think that your concerns are very healthy. But perhaps we are not the best people to discuss this with due to circumstances that occurred with your last relationship.

    Wishing you all the best! Take care x

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