Apologies for the long post, I tried to include as much information as was necessary in the most concise way possible.
Back in August, my boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me. Granted we were not together for very long, but we had started off as very good friends and that eventually progressed into a love relationship. We went as far as to plan our futures together.

A little bit of background on me first. I have grown up in a very strict family, having very little social support, and have been through a lot of emotionally draining situations. A few years ago I was forced by my parents to transfer universities so that I would be living at home. I was not happy in this new university, but when I had met my ex, things had started looking up. He was (and still is) my world, he understood me, he was my supportive figure. I am not allowed to have a boyfriend, however, this was a rule I was willing to break for my ex. For him, his family life is also a mess. He is also not supposed to be in a relationship because he has to focus on the family business. But he was also willing to break this rule for me. We kept our relationship a secret from our families and vowed to run away and get married if our parents reject our relationship in the future. I was his world, and he was mine.

In August, his dad had found out about our relationship, and had made my ex’s life a living hell. Dumping work on him, and putting him through a traumatic experience which to this day, my ex will not tell me about because it is too painful to talk about. It had gotten to the point where we either break up and still see each other as friends, or we stay together and I never see him again. My ex picked the first option. Now I have been going back and forth with being reasonable about this and just plain selfish. I love him a lot, I still think about him everyday. I know things are very difficult with his life right now as his relationship with his family has become very very strained due to recent events.

I still want to talk to him, I still want to see him and I still want things to work out in the future. I know he still loves me because he has told me as such. Often times he detaches from me and does not communicate with me so that he doesn’t take out his anger and frustration on me. He also does not blame me for anything that has happened so far (like his strained relationship with his family, his overworked life, etc.) I have expressed these feelings to him, telling him that I want us to work out in the future, but he says we can never be together. He says I deserve better and he does not want to put me through this pain anymore. He also believes he will end up alone.

I still continue to get hurt by all of this. He has a social circle that he can rely on to get him through this, but I share that social circle with him. They are better friends with him and therefore that social support is not there for me as they are more focused on him. I am alone almost all the time now, feeling even more lonely because I do not get to talk to him as much. I feel that I am the only one trying to maintain some sort of friendship yet I don’t give him the opportunity to try to maintain the friendship as well (e.g. by initiating conversations, initiating hangouts, etc.). And with my family situation also being tense, I am reaching the point of desperation. I am at a loss of what to do. I don’t want to hurt him, I want to be there to help him through this and I also feel that I am not making the situation any easier for him as I still expect frequent contact. I feel like I am getting bothered by little things because I understand things are tough for him right now, and yet I feel I am being selfish as I continue to get hurt when he doesn’t talk to me and spends time with others, etc. He doesn’t feel anything anymore, he’s become a shell of what he once was, all because of this messed up situation. I am now just another friend to him (at least that’s what he is trying to make me) although sometimes I feel like I am just an acquaintance. And he is still my one true love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and this is what is likely keeping me from moving on. Any efforts I make to move on are all for naught, as my feelings seem to control me.

I realize that I might be jealous, overly attached, have trust issues, etc. I have various emotional issues which unfortunately makes my perception quite biased and selfish. How do I handle this situation without letting it bring me down constantly?

• This topic was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by IC. Reason: clarity