Dear tidal:

A strategy would be perhaps to talk to him, tell him how you feel about him going out and anything else, honestly tell him but not in a blaming way. If he doesn’t feel blamed or put in a position of responsibility for your feelings (like he has to fix your feelings, to make you feel good), he will have empathy for you, hopefully and give you the support you need to feel better when he is out. Talk, talk and then talk some more. For example you can tell him: I want us to talk in a new way. I want to honestly tell you how I feel about things but I do not expect you to make me feel better and I don’t want to control your behavior or how you feel. i just want to share and I want you to understand me and help me be stronger. So i feel sad when you go out with friends. I feel lonely. I get scared that you will meet another woman and leave me. I feel cold inside. Soetimes I feel this sadness all over me.”

Let’s say he gets confused adn doesn’t know what to do or mumbles something, so you tell him: “Can you hug me. i need you to hug me.”

And you get into the habit, in small doses at first, of sharing honestly how you feel, what you feel without blaming him and without expecting him to take away your distress. And if he does the same, you have the basis of ongoing healthy communication, honesty and a win-win relationship.

anita