Dear claref:

I just read your posts in your previous thread, beginning in August 2016, almost five years ago. At the time, you were 26, I believe, and you expressed regarding whom I believe to be your current husband: “I just want to be hugged/loved by my partner all the time…I want to get married, I’m eager to have the security. I guess deep down I fear he will leave me”.

In November 2016, at 27,  you shared about your past relationships before your current partner/ husband: “My past relationships were extremely volatile and stressful. I was in bad relationships”, particularly a 6-year relationship that was  “emotionally/ physically abusive”, from the time you were 17 to the time you were 23.

You then shared in regard to that 6-year relationship: “As a result (I believe) I developed Reactive Hypoglycemia and Polycystic Ovaries”, and as a result of these conditions, as well as “general PMS”, every month, during the 7-10 days before your period, you experienced the following: “I get irrational, I snap, I lose control, I throw things, I break down, I am an emotional wreck”. You added: “I am working with 2 therapists and a nutritionist. I eat extremely well and I exercise. I am doing everything I can to help manage this…. I have worked with a therapist for over 6 yrs working through past and current events and root causes”.

In January 2017, at 27, you shared: “I have just got engaged and I am extremely happy!”

In June 2019, at 29, you shared: “I’m a successful business owner… I have a lovely converted farmhouse and lifestyle”, and today, July 19, 2021, at 31, you shared that you are (still a wife and) a mother to a 7-month old girl, that you are back to working full time from home, and doing house renovation again, that you and your husband are “juggling everything with a baby”, that his parents do not help you when you need help, and offer to help where you don’t need help, such as with your gorgeous, stunning garden, which is cared for by a hired gardener twice a month.

My thoughts today: welcome back, claref. It looks like you are doing very well: it is a breath of fresh air for me, to read about a person who is doing so well, living a busy and meaningful life before… and after the pandemic! It looks like the years long therapy you attended (and maybe still do), as well as your wit, humor and drive led you to your successes.

In regard to your parents-in-law not wanting to bother themselves with help that you need, I know that a lot of grandparents, being older, get easily tired, and have no interest in re-experiencing the hardships involved in taking care of young children. It would be nice perhaps,  if you could place your daughter in a responsible, loving and professional child-care setting for, let’s say, Mondays and Thursday, three-four hours each day, giving you a breathing room to attend to things you need to attend to, be it your career, home renovations, or do nothing but rest.

anita

Dear claref:

You are very welcome. I understand your wish that your parents-in-law would be different.

“I have come a LONG way and I am developing and learning skills to deal with situations. However, I still do struggle and sometimes I can over think massively”- congratulations for coming a long way and for developing and learning skills to deal with situations effectively! As far as struggling, I don’t know if there is a single person in our disturbed and disturbing world (with its politics, corruption and most disturbing to me- climate change) who does not struggle with anxiety and worry. It would be.. quite insane to be perfectly sane in an insane world, wouldn’t it…

anita