I haven’t ever used a forum before to seek insight into an experience I am having. I often read Tiny Buddha articles and have found great comfort in them. I thought it would be good to give the forum a try.

I recently experienced a painful and difficult break up with someone I loved and cared for deeply. Our relationship ended quietly, there was no yelling or harsh words exchanged. I have accepted the end of the relationship and knowing it for what it was, I would not want to renew it. However, I am struggling with the realizations that occurred after the relationship ended.

My ex partner had lied to me a number of times in the relationship and towards the end of the relationship, completely withdrew. When problems would arise and I tried to talk to them, my partner would often ignore me or imply that the problem wasn’t worth working out. In the relationship, it didn’t occur to me that the reason they were so withdrawn could be because they had found someone else and decided the relationship wasn’t worth working on to fix. When we broke up, my ex partner quickly engaged in a relationship with someone new and the new person was someone they met when we were still together. I remember an incident where they had called when we were together and my ex partner was very uncomfortable, making up an excuse for who they were and quickly changed the subject. I didn’t question them or push the topic at the time. I found about them out by accident, the new person’s social media profile popped up in mine as they started becoming friends with people I was friends with and their profile picture was my ex and them together. Seeing it was like experiencing the initial heartbreak all over again. When we broke up, I told my ex I couldn’t be friends and that I wished them the best, I tried to leave things on as positive a note as we could. I had removed my ex from all of my social media platforms and stopped all communication after the break up, save for a last goodbye and a conversation to get my stuff back from them. The day I found out about his new partner, I realized they had blocked me from social media (I had just removed them as a friend and in a moment of weakness, I tried to take a peek at their profile). This act also hurt a lot and seemed very aggressive, considering we had no contact and I have made no attempts to contact them after I got my stuff back (I know it is silly for something like this to bother me but unfortunately it did). Throughout the relationship, I had tolerated a lot of things that I shouldn’t have in terms of how they treated me and instead of getting angry at my ex, I tried to be patient and understanding. When things ended, I didn’t try to reconnect or maintain a presence in their life. Ultimately, I have a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of self criticisms for ever trusting my ex partner in the first place.

There were many red flags during the relationship that indicated they weren’t being honest with me and their actions indicated that I was not a priority for them. My struggle with letting go of the hurt is that I hate that I fell for their lies and I feel hurt that I wasn’t worth fighting for for them. I also felt weak for wanting to work it out and try to have the relationship we did when we first got together instead of following my instincts and leaving. To add insult to injury, not only was I not worth fighting for, I was easy to replace. And to add to the cycle of emotions, it bothers me that any of this bothers me. It upsets me that any of this holds any meaning for me because I know it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what my ex does and it no longer impacts my life. My life is going really well without them. I have a good job and am moving towards a new promising career, I have a family who love me and I love and adore right back and I am achieving my goals for things that I have put off for a long time. I have so many positive things on the go, I don’t want them to be overshadowed by something that doesn’t matter. I guess I am having a difficult time getting over the betrayal and the hurt that still lingers. I am struggling with how to completely let this all go without letting the hurt I feel consume me. I have too many wonderful things in my life to let all of this still bother me.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate any words anyone has to offer.