Hello,

I would like to know more if thats fine. What exactly is your worry? What are the thoughts and how are they related to the reality you are living through?

Regards
Nina

Dear Vishesh:

I am trying to understand and hope you can help me:

1. You wrote: “About an year ago I underwent a traumatic experience after reading and watching videos and books of horrible violence committed during world war 2”-

The “traumatic experience” you are referring to, what was it? Are you referring to FEELINGS you had while watching the WW2 videos and reading the books?

2. Then you wrote: ” I was trying to calm myself down by watching some positive spiritual video online, during which the teacher (Eckhart) said something which retraumatized me.”-

Reads to me like you are referring to a second traumatic experience, FEELINGS you had while watching a video. Correct?

3. As a result of feelings you had while reading books and watching movies you developed anxiety and PTSD which you didn’t have before, is this correct

anita

Dear Vishesh,

I think I partially understand it now. I don’t want to undermine what you are going through in any way but then consider this – Has any of this happened to you? Could you consider reading Victor’s Frankls book “Man’s search for meaning”? He wrote this book when he was in a concentration camp and faced the most horrific situations possible. However he survived. I read about many survivor stories, the Schindler Jews too for example. I read the answers written by a woman who was experimented on along with her twin by Melenge. She is an elderly lady now and described a time where she was fighting hard to live somehow. Yes she is scarred in every way as a child but her spirit is not broken.

Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows. There is much horror that has happened and is happening in this world. There is a terrible war in Syria, unspeakable horrors in Africa, such awful things now – 20 million perished under Stalin, then there was Khymer Rouge, even in India, millions died during famine.

You are right. There is much bad even now but my question to you is ” is this happening to you? ”
How is feeling for them and getting so emotional helping you? How is it helping your contribution in any way ?

The purpose of meditation is to teach your mind to focus, be an observer – calmness is an after-effect rather. You have a fixated belief that the effect is set in stone. There is nothing like that. You are the one controlling you at the end of the day. I suggest you try some of Sadhgurus videos on YouTube.

https://www.innerengineering.com/online/blog/take-a-deep-breath-meditation-for-anxiety-relief

There is a meditation manual explained by the Ramakrishna Mission too – check out Vivekanda Samitis videos especially by Sarvapriya Nanda.

I do understand your distress. I experienced this too when I saw some disturbing things as a child especially and a while back as an adult. However, the mind is capable of being regulated and Vedic scripture particularly emphasizes this, so does modern psychology. Here you have a choice.

I apologise if I came off as harsh in any way. Please dont think of spiritual journey in black and white terms. It is something that takes years of sadhna and this is true even for monks, priests. The whole idea is to learn to be really present and focused. You have not failed. You are simply in a particular stage and must learn from a good teacher.

These experiences happen during an anxiety disorder. The disorder arises when this dark cloud becomes a regular storm disrupting the ongoing of daily life. However, mood is like weather. It changes, there is a feedback cycle too. Your thoughts are reversible with the right help. You sound like a very positive person and can surely overcome this.

Do check out this video – I hope everyone else here will offer a different perspective too.

Regards
Nina

Dear Vishesh:

In the post before last you wrote: “I have never doubted the good in humanity, and I have always been very optimistic about what great things humans can achieve. I didn’t want to fall this way, I want to be a good human being. When I am not anxious and depressed, I try to be the best person I can be…” and in your last post you wrote: ” I will conquer my anxiety and become a better person in the end.”

I have a comment: I don’t doubt that indeed many humans have been and are cruel to others. It is reality. If we blind ourselves to this reality, we increase our suffering. If I blind myself to this reality, it doesn’t make me a good person, it makes me an ignorant person.

When you believe people are capable of cruel acts, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a realistic person.

Post anytime.

anita