Hi Femalemt,

The good thing about meditation class is there are lots of other people all with their own predicaments and you learn together as a group, in a more universal than individual way, listening to each others questions and thoughts and applying everyone’s view to what you are trying to achieve. With Buddhism you can go incredibly deep into discovering the ideas of Samsara, Dharma and such or, as I do, take it all with a pinch of salt and find what works for you.

As for digital guides there is a fantastic site http://www.tharpa.com

I have the MP3 audio book ‘Transform your Life – A blissful journey’ which is a good introduction. You might also find the books ‘How to Solve Our Human problems’ and ‘Modern Buddhism’ are a good starting point. They all come in multiple formats, with previews to read and audio clips to listen to before committing.

Hope it is of help 🙂

Hi Femalemt,

You have hit the nail on the head….the easy part is to want to review/change beliefs…the hard part is the implementation. Consider how long you have been living your life through your current “lens”!
For the moment, let’s go back to the beginning and look at what is involved in “changing beliefs”:

The belief change cycle as, described by Robert Dilts, goes something along these lines:
1) Being Open to Doubt – This is the most crucial part of any and all belief change. Sometimes the simple act of doubting an existing belief can lead to rapid belief change. This is when we start examining our existing beliefs and think “Maybe it’s not true,” “Maybe there are exceptions,” “Well, that’s not always true.”
2) Becoming Open to Believe – This is when we start asking “What if this were true?” “What would life be like if I believed this?”
3) Wanting to Believe – We want to believe something, but are aware it’s not part of our current belief system.
4.) Incorporation – This is when we begin to add the new belief to our existing belief system. Sometimes this can happen quite rapidly, however if the new belief is very “radical” compared to our established belief system, we may have to adjust or even “retire” old beliefs in order to accommodate the new belief, which happens in step 5.
5) Refiling of the old belief – Dilts describes a “Museum of Personal History” where we store old beliefs, like the belief in Santa Claus. A more advanced tactic to belief change involves envisioning current limiting beliefs the same way we look back on believing in Santa Claus.
6) Trust in the new belief. – You start gathering “proof” of the new belief

As you’ve found, the hardest step is incorporation…especially when your desired belief contradicts too much of your lens on life.
A way of getting around this is to build small beliefs, or small versions of our desired belief…and gradually increase it until we have achieved our desired goal.

I also believe that there is a need to go through the 6 stages. If you’ve missed a couple, then the whole process mightn’t “take”.

If you’re open to it, perhaps you’d like to share one of the beliefs you’re trying to change…and we could dissect it a bit.

Okay Dori, let’s have a look at these. I don’t have all the answers. Only you can change, no one can force or make you change…assuming you want to. But let’s see if we can make it a bit easier.

1. “I should have gone to cookery school”. Why? Obviously things have happened since you made the decision not to, that has brought this on. But I challenge you to revisit the original reasons you decided not to. Were they valid reasons THEN? ….which I’m sure they were. Using 20/20 hindsight to second guess past decisions is irrational. We can’t base our current decisions on what happens in the future. That’s illogical. You made a best guess and that’s all we fallible human beings are capable of. Until you can accept past decisions, you will be cursed with a life of regrets.

2. “I will never find my life’s purpose”. Too late, you’ve have found it. It’s to live…and interact with other people…and make mistakes…and learn lessons…and provide learning opportunities for others…like me. There’s no bells or whistles or fireworks or harps. It’s just life.

3. “I am not good at anything”. I call bollocks on that. You can put two words together. You can express your feelings. Make a list of what else you can do. Little steps. Sure, there’s stuff you can’t do…as there are many things I can’t do. That’s because we are all different…by design.

4.”I will never be healthy”. Perhaps you won’t. Some people aren’t. But that’s a pretty broad statement about yourself. Again, list what works in your body and what’s worn out. Set some goals on fixing the broken bits.

There’s some thoughts to start the ball rolling.
It’s a matter of really looking at what unwanted emotions are being triggered, what happened to trigger them, what must I believe about that happening for that emotion to be triggered and is that belief rational and realistic? If not, start slowly converting it to an empowering belief. Easier said thatn done, I know…but it is possible.

Hi Dori,

You said…”maybe they made sense at that time but were wrong decisions, cause they were not compatible with my heart desires.”
This is a common feeling. “How could I have done that, when I really wanted to do such and such. I’ve sabotaged myself”
The reason for this supposed self-sabotage is …PRIORITIES.
I’m guessing you had a good reason to do the cookery course and a good reason not to. When we have competing beliefs like that, we draw on our “priorities” to adjudicate between them. Obviously, your priority was some sort of practical reason…which over ruled your heart.
So, you just have to accept that, all things taken into account…at the time…you decided against the course. Trust your past decision making. Since then, you have learnt more information which has indicated that the better way might have been to follow your heart. That’s great, you’ve learnt some more and gained some wisdom…but that makes the original decision no less authentic or valid.

As for changing beliefs. There’s no getting past its difficulty. But its a softly, softly process. Your brain needs to disconnect those old, strong connections that your current beliefs have created. It does this by slowly building up new connections…which have to battle against the stubborn old ones.

Let’s look at your belief that “‘I am not good at anything”.
If you reviewed that objectively and honestly, you’d agree that it’s an irrational and limiting belief.
If you agree, then the next step is to replace it with a new belief.
Perhaps it could be something like…”I am a real trier, and I sometimes achieve my goals, however, I still need to work on X”
For that belief to replace the old one, it has to be repeated over and over again. This is the way the brain grows new connections. Another way that the connection can be re-enforced is by “proof”. Every-time the belief is realised or acted out, the connections grow in the brain. Every time you hit a mark or achieve a goal…the new belief is re-enforced.

It’s very hard, but worthwhile, work. There is no easy way. But the rewards are enormous.

I hear what you’re saying. Just chanting affirmations ain’t gunna cut it.
New beliefs shouldn’t just be “dreams” e.g. “I am rich”…they should be based on reality and have substance.
I would only put my mind to adopting a new belief of, for example, ”I am a real trier, and I sometimes achieve my goals, however, I still need to work on X”…if every word was true.

If your mind can accept an old belief, for example, “I will never be healthy”…that is totally out of whack with logic and reality, shouldn’t it be worth trying to adopt a new, reality based belief? I know you do want to, but just can’t find a method.
Hopefully, others on this forum might offer some suggestions. I can only speak from experience and the way I changed my core beliefs was:

1. I had to be told and convinced that my existing belief system was dodgy. That was a real eye opener and turning point. I couldn’t believe what I had been doing for 40 odd years was so wrong.
2. I had to be given suggestions on new ways of thinking and be convinced they were correct….which doesn’t mean I had adopted them at this stage.
3. I had to have a triggering event, that proved the validity of the new beliefs. It was a painful event, however, I will be forever grateful for it, as it changed my whole life
4. I had a follow up event, which reinforced the validity of my new core beliefs beyond doubt. This is one of the reasons that I believe that so much learning and wisdom can come from the difficult parts of our lives.

I still have the old ones surfacing occasionally, as I’m just a fallible human being, but I manage to mostly knock them on the head.

I wish you well in your search ….