Home→Forums→Relationships→The "If you love me, you would…" Relationships
- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 2 months ago by Jeff.
April 3, 2013 at 11:04 pm #30436Yvette BowlinParticipant
Has someone ever said to you, “If you love me, you would..”? Did that make sense to you–placing a condition on such a free-flowing energy? They might have mistaken what ‘love’ and a ‘relationship’ are.
Love doesn’t translate into a relationship. Love come easily and effortlessly through our connection with consciousness. A relationship is two people coming together, joining quirks, personalities, aspirations and attempting a partnership. They don’t always result in compatibility. Have you noticed that you can love easily, but a relationship takes work–that they’re not in fact one in the same. Love is unconditional. A relationship, however, has its tension points. Ending a relationship does not mean failing at love.
Would you agree? Love to hear your thoughts!
YvetteApril 3, 2013 at 11:48 pm #30441Terez WilliamsonParticipant
“Love doesn’t translate into a relationship.”
Yvette, your insight is so spot on!
In my experience, whenever someone puts a condition on their love, the root issue isn’t about love at all. It’s about control. True love is each partner choosing to accept the other’s eccentricities, flaws, and character quirks – then deciding to work together to create and maintain a relationship.
Great topic that certainly needs more discussion!April 5, 2013 at 6:54 am #31142LydiaParticipant
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I completely agree, I think I have mistaken ‘love’ and a ‘relationship’
I recently fell in love and thought that meant everything else in the relationship would fall into place…but my ex boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere and then says I still love you..for me this concept is so hard to understand, why isnt love enough for him to make things work or to want to be with me,
I was left wondering if it was all real, and just so incredibly hurt..now im just trying to let go and adjust myself and my life back to living without him…I often reflect back on the time we shared and see that maybe I tried to hold on too tightly and had placed too many conditions and attached too many outcomes to the relationship, so when he left me I was dissapointed that things had’nt gone the way i hoped…following the path of somebody else can be easier than my own sometimes i think.April 5, 2013 at 10:01 am #31194BrittanyParticipant
A great book that I just recently read was “Mastery of Love” by Don Ruiz. This book explaintelomeres and relationships and explains why some relationships do not work. He goes into detail about expectations that are set once you get into a relationship. This book really helped me understand how bring in love should work.April 5, 2013 at 10:11 am #31196JeffParticipant
“Love doesn’t translate into a relationship.” I’ve been learning that one the hard way lately. I’m involved (well, I guess you could say I’m involved) with a man whose partner passed away unexpectedly a year and a half ago. I’d been single for a decade and was/am ready to settle down again. He’s still in the “sowing wild oats” stage. I know he cares for me but he told a mutual friend of ours that he wished I’d understand that he can care for more than one person at a time. Monogamy has been what I’m most familiar with, and if this is heading in the direction of a polyamorous relationship, I’m not sure I’m completely on board with it…at least not yet. So, I’m just going to enjoy what we have while we have it, and if the form of things changes, then I’ll adapt to the best of my ability. The difficulty for me has been that love has always translated into a relationship. Now I’m seeing that that isn’t always the case.April 5, 2013 at 3:14 pm #31259LydiaParticipant
Thanks for the book recommendation Brittany, I have just purchased it 🙂
I think it can be hard to find the balance of being understanding and conscientious for your partner and also making sure your needs are met, all we can do is just live in the now and enjoy the time we have with our loved ones…..if he or she isn’t the one you end up having a loving relationship with then its still okay because maybe this was just a lesson and an experience u needed along the way.April 5, 2013 at 10:06 pm #31276Terez WilliamsonParticipant
It seems you and your partner may want very different things. You’ve heard from a “mutual friend” what your partner wants out of your relationship, but you should ask your boyfriend directly.
Let me also recommend a great book with practical advice on how to determine whether you should try to stay and improve your relationship, or move on. It’s entitled “The Four Factors” by Ron Gentile. I truly believe this little book can provide you with some valuable insights.
Wishing you all the best!April 6, 2013 at 4:18 am #31284JeffParticipant
Thanks for the book recommendation, Terez. And I’ve tried on several occasions to open a door for conversation, and he tells me, “We’ve already talked about that. There’s nothing more to say on the issue.” So, I pretty much decided to let things sit as they were. Guess that says something, huh? Something that I’m maybe not ready or willing to hear.