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The lack of drive to do anything

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  • February 14, 2014 at 9:46 am #51000
    JP
    Participant

    Hello. This is my first time in these forums.

    I just want to share my truth. A piece of my reality that I find it scary to share.

    Why am I willing to share these here instead of my closest friends? I just want to be heard. I don’t need another critic in my life. And I’m in a situation that I need to somehow write this down, or I’ll just explode.

    Earlier, I just realized something very profound: I lack the will to set and meet goals. I’ve become so jaded and cynical, that I don’t want to even bother setting one if I know I was bound to fail. Even if I know I’ll succeed, I don’t want to bother myself anymore.

    How come I’ve arrived to such a thought?

    People in the office have been asking me to join the fitness programs they’ve organized for everyone. I’m probably the only one who didn’t sign up for anything.

    I told one of my officemates my reasons: been there, done that. If I wanted to lose weight, I could easily do so. All the activities they’ve set are all plain boring.

    Jogging? Boring.

    Yoga? Done that before. Not interested. Boring.

    Healthy eating? Been there, done that.

    I have so many tricks up my sleeve that the people in the office don’t know, so I don’t want to bother.

    I joined the biggest loser thingy, but I have no set goals or expectations.

    In short, I’m just not interested.

    I told my sister the same thing about an hour ago. Then a thought crept from the back of my head: if I don’t want to do any of the office activities, then what do I really want to do?

    And that made me stop. Because my answer was plain and simple: none.

    It made me sad. I want to be healthy, but I don’t want to achieve anything. I didn’t even bother setting a weight loss goal for myself.

    I asked myself why I have such a pathetic mindset, and the answer came crystal clear: I was just being too jaded and cynical. I keep coming up with excuses just so I could not bother myself with exerting such effort.

    Looking back, everything just came in easy and naturally. I’ve been so used to getting so much with so little effort, that now I look for that maximum profit with minimal effort in practically everything. And because I’ve been thru so much hurt and pain for the past several years, I’ve come to a point that I don’t want to be bothered anymore.

    Is this really who I am? Is this really what I want?

    Without any goals to aim for, what am I good for?

    Honestly, if it were not for my own sense of responsibility, I would rather be a vegetable.

    Am I even making any sense?

    February 14, 2014 at 10:35 am #51005
    Mark
    Participant

    Congratulations of your courageous vulnerability JP.

    I believe stating our truth out loud, the physical act of writing it down and sharing it or publically speaking is the first step in being able to deal with it, process it, accept it.

    You have asked good questions of yourself. I am looking forward to reading the answers.

    Metta,
    Mark

    February 15, 2014 at 6:11 am #51053
    JP
    Participant

    Thanks for the kind words Mark.

    I honestly don’t know if sharing these thoughts would make things any better.

    I used to speak my thoughts. Freely, without hesitation. I thought that being open and honest was the way to go. Until I was told that I am full of drama, and that I had to stop.

    I honestly don’t know anymore.

    February 15, 2014 at 10:21 am #51058
    Lilbuddha
    Participant

    Sounds to me like you’re in a “why should I bother” slump, and that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with not feeling peppy or excited, but strive to realize it’s just a slump without giving yourself too many labels like “cynic” or listening to the labels of others like “drama queen”. Don’t allow those words to take root and nest as definers of who you are. It’s good to acknowledge attitudes for what they are….attitudes…they’re not the whole that encompasses you.

    At the same time recognize being in a slump isn’t a joy for you, so you can’t expect others to find it joyful. It’s the nature of people to want to make ourselves and others feel better with motivational activities and advice, but being in a slump means that you’re not wanting or feeling the urge to be motivated. That can be difficult to understand for others, and frustrating for you too.

    Just own being in a slump, and if others approach you with their motivational advice, just say….”I’m good with festering here for a while, thanks”. People won’t understand it and don’t have to. The important thing is that you’re owning how you feel without judgment, and when you get tired of feeling that way…those feeling will change. That won’t happen until you decide, “Hey, going for a walk sounds like fun.”

    In the meantime, here’s a smile of acceptance from a listening ear… :0)

    February 15, 2014 at 5:38 pm #51073
    amare
    Participant

    Hi JP

    I can completely understand where you’re coming from. I was wondering, do you perhaps avoid taking on challenges because maybe you don’t feel you deserve the rewards you would gain from participating? For example, getting involved with the fitness programs would mean you will become healthier, which you’ve said is something you want – but is it that you feel you don’t deserve it? Or that feel you’re not worth bettering yourself? And so you will not let yourself participate, or even want to participate? If so, maybe not having the motivation to set goals for yourself or holding yourself back from enriching your life could be a reflection of a lack of love for yourself?

    On a practical note, at times when I feel useless or completely unmotivated with my life, I find it helps to stop looking inwards, and instead look outwards and help others; say for example making a meal for a family member or a neighbour one day. Such acts of kindness, however small and insignificant they may seem, help make someone else’s day and enriches their lives, which in turn gives you purpose.

    I hope this helps!

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