I feel like I was born to live a cycle that I just don’t feel is for me. I am grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had but i don’t wanna live my life just to earn money till I die and do the things that are expected from me. I feel like this mindset just doesn’t make sense and the worlds motivation just isn’t my motivation. I don’t think my motivation even is in this world. I’m studying to do something I love but I feel like I’m only going after this out of obligation, and to get a job I don’t hate so I suffer less while living in this cycle I despise so much, but this is truly not what I want for myself. I don’t wanna care about mundane things everyone else cares about, materials. The thought  of becoming a monk is something that seriously crosses my mind from time to time, but in my country there are no monasterys and no way to get trained. I think that would be the closest thing to what I yearn for that is actually possible in this world, but not quite there yet.

Does that make sense? Anybody else relates?

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel stuck because I feel obligated to all these things and I think I’m doing them more for my family than for myself, but then again, what should I do instead?