I feel like I was born to live a cycle that I just don’t feel is for me. I am grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had but i don’t wanna live my life just to earn money till I die and do the things that are expected from me. I feel like this mindset just doesn’t make sense and the worlds motivation just isn’t my motivation. I don’t think my motivation even is in this world. I’m studying to do something I love but I feel like I’m only going after this out of obligation, and to get a job I don’t hate so I suffer less while living in this cycle I despise so much, but this is truly not what I want for myself. I don’t wanna care about mundane things everyone else cares about, materials. The thought of becoming a monk is something that seriously crosses my mind from time to time, but in my country there are no monasterys and no way to get trained. I think that would be the closest thing to what I yearn for that is actually possible in this world, but not quite there yet.
Does that make sense? Anybody else relates?
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel stuck because I feel obligated to all these things and I think I’m doing them more for my family than for myself, but then again, what should I do instead?
“I feel obligated to all these things.. doing them more for my family than for myself.. what should I do instead?”-
My answer: aim at feeling obligated to yourself, not to your family; aim at living for yourself, not for your family. You don’t really have to live in a monastery so to no longer be mentally enslaved to your family. It is not necessary to go to that extreme.
You can move out of your parents’ home, if you are still living with them; you can make a list of what you think you owe them and then run that list through me, and I will help you figure out what it is that you really owe them, and what it is that you don’t owe them.