The PUA/Self Imrovement Community is making me depressed

[Anonymous]

Dear Tim:

My advice is this: If you choose to read anything, anywhere: be it in any book, any website, including what I write here; READ CRITICALLY. You have to evaluate what you read: does it make sense to me? Does it fit with what I know about life, with what I see around me? And, ask: what is the person’s motivation?

That “Performance society” you mentioned, being competitive, alpha male, etc., what is the motivation for the persons originating this philosophy? Is it selling testosterone enhancing drugs? Is it selling an online book on .. how to be an alpha male? Is it taking an online class? Maybe the person promoting this believes in it and has no financial benefit but the people that got him hooked on this, they were selling something and he bought it.

Learn what is true from what you see with your own eyes, hear with your own ears; notice how you feel about things- what you read online is making you depressed (title of your thread) because, I am thinking, you very much want a relationship, you don’t have one yet and you are upset that you don’t.

I hope you will soon have the relationship that you need and want (and your description of it sounds good to me!). What is clear to me is that the online sources you’ve been reading will NOT get you what you want. Stay off those sites and learn to trust your own thinking more, your own evaluation of what is true and what is not.

anita

[Tim]

Thank you @anita. I guess that’s a good closing word for this thread 🙂 Thanks to all you of who participated. I really appreciate it!

[Anonymous]

You are welcome, Tim. Hope to read from you again, if not on this thread, then on another!
anita

[Tammy]

I completely agree about not trying to some super-hero guy. From a young age I learned to push myself to excel, to be perfect, but out of a misguided belief that it would get my father to pay attention to me and to be kind to me. This became an ingrained piece of my personality that I only recently could see it for what it was. So, here I am having so many positive attributes but no current relationship. That is when it all came to me that it isn’t about being the perfect this or the perfect that. It is about being authentic and being approachable and friendly. Some of that comes from loving ourselves and letting go of the negative things we tell ourselves. Only really thinking we are pretty wonderful lets us be wonderful to others and people love, love, love others that make them feel good. When I will get a boyfriend, who knows, but at least I feel good about myself.

[Author]

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