There’s a problem in my relationship, but how do I fix it?

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    I’m a 29-year old female and have been with my 33-year-old boyfriend for 2 years. We live together and I have an issue. I have severe abandonment issues from adolescents and I’d love to hear how to resolve feeling jealous of my boufriend’s friends. Yes, it’s that ridiculous and bad. I got jealous this weekend because it was one of the first weekends in a long time where we had an entire weekend open and I thought him and I were going to spend it together. I got angry because he wanted to leave on the afternoon on Sunday and go to his friend’s house to play video games and then watch a football game.

    First, I recognize I’m being ridiculous. Second, I have this unrealistic “romantic” idea that my boyfriend would be like “I just love you so much that I want to spend every second of this weekend with you because our time together is that important to me.”

    I feel like in the heat of the moment my brain starts not making sense and it’s convinced that he’s leaving because his friends are more fun to hangout with in general and that it’ll happen more and more to the point where every single weekend we’re working our schedules around what his friends are doing.

    I told him that just once in a while (like once everyone 1-2 months) I’d love it if we could have a full weekend to ourselves to do fun things together and really connect.

    He said that would be fine and reminded me that he’s just a more social person that I am (which is very true).

    But here’s the ultimate question: Do anyone have advice on how I can stop feeling like this? What are the advanced emotional mastery skills for jealousy? What can I do in the heat of the moment to not cause a fight and feel peace?


    Dear dreaming715:

    The “advanced emotional mastery skills for jealousy”- I don’t know. When I am jealous and know it is unfair of me to express it, that it is not logical and will harm the other person/ the relationship, I hold my tongue, say nothing. I go for a walk and hope to feel better later.

    And then I type here, communicate with people about all kinds of things. You can post here more often, it may help you to express things here.


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