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things left behind

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  • September 26, 2013 at 9:40 pm #42855
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    I just did something and wanted to share it with the TB community. To ask for your views.
    I just emailed my ex and asked him to send my jacket, jeans, keys and boots back to me. He lives in Italy and I was visiting him at the end of May and left many things including wine bottles at his place so that he can bring it back with him in June when we get together. Well, he broke my heart in June and has never looked back since. We have had our goodbye talks and at the end of August, I did reach out to him to see if he thought we can ever reconcile. He doesn’t. He has moved on and is very happy, I am nothing more than a person he had beautiful travels with. It was very hard a few days after that email but I got back up again. I booked a solo trip to Ireland today and for some reason it gave me strength to ask for my stuff. I know its just material things but for some reason I have been thinking that one day he will show up on my doorstep with my things.

    I need to kill that hope. I need to move on from those fantasies. He was never the right man for me. We would’ve never been happy. I have sent an email to him to ask for my stuff back with my address. Thoughts?

    Your lost (but coming home) sister
    S

    September 27, 2013 at 10:52 am #42875
    John
    Participant

    Yup, just another fantasy full of “maybes”.

    You asked for him to send you your stuff. If he agrees, he’ll send them back.

    You asked if if there was a possibility to reconcile. He said no. He won’t be back.

    You ask directly. He responds directly.

    You don’t ask directly. You wonder “Maybe…”

    Which is fine. Sometimes we all do that.

    But sometimes, when there’s no direct question or no direct response and to be able to say yourself, “Maybe” and not dwell on it and not to take your mind away into fantasy, away from the present, away from yourself, away from other opportunities and possibilities, and away from all the other “maybes” to every other question that comes up, that’s happiness and freedom! 🙂

    September 27, 2013 at 11:41 am #42876
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    John,

    I see what you are saying but I have always asked direct questions. He did get back to me and simply said “I will send them back to you”.

    It did a hurt a little but difference now is that I can observe my sadness and know where its coming from. Its never been about him or anyone else. This is all within me. I am trapped in the “victim triangle”.

    By asking for my things back, i am cutting the last threads that attach me to him. I am not under any illusion to think that this will “cure” me of all the pain and longing i feel for him but it is another little step towards getting there…one day.

    Namaste
    Sapna

    September 27, 2013 at 12:13 pm #42879
    John
    Participant

    You asked directly. You got a response. You just wanted your stuff back. You’ll get your stuff back.

    Then there is no maybe. No need for fantasy.

    Just you taking care of yourself and doing the things you enjoy doing for you. Things that keep you in the here and now. Things that are directly in front of you. That are real. That are tangible.

    There’s a wound and it will take time to heal. Fantasy is just salt.

    A trip to Ireland, a good book, some fun music, an evening out, a movie, cooking a delicious meal, meditation, exercise, work, play, family, and friends, those are the wound’s sutures.

    This too shall pass. 🙂

    September 27, 2013 at 12:34 pm #42880
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    I am going to get that tattooed! haha 🙂

    Thank you John. This too shall pass like everything else in life…

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