Hey csihdu,

This is very common for people of our age group. Have had too many friends tell me this about their other circles.

My suggestion would be to simply spend less time with them. Stay in touch but less frequently, more towards an activity that you like and they may find acceptable too – instead of movie at home, say a nice blockbuster and a fun time bowling instead. Then say bye and scram 😛 Text them once in a while, call infrequently – don’t disappear but don’t be too much into hanging out either.

Who knows maybe in a couple of years they will change too and you might just have a common wavelength after all?

Meanwhile get closer to those friends who are more your type. It’s okay to do this, some friendships drift away once in a while when there are way too many marked differences and no common view to hold it together.

So relax and enjoy your life in your own way. You are doing alright it seems and kudos for posting here. I could really identify with what you described in terms of peer group. Partying till 5 am isn’t for everyone, some people are just kinda “deep” compared to their age.

No point pretending to be someone else.

Regards,
Nina

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Nina Sakura.

Hi csihdu,

Right now different people are at different stages of the evolution of consciousness on the planet.
From the activities you have described about yourself to be interested in, you seem to be moving more towards presence which is a good sign.

You need not wear a mask and show the false you. You need not feel something that you do not want to feel just because someone or some situation is compelling you to do so. When God made us originals, why stoop to become a copy?

Move on with people who are not in alignment with your soul. Do it slowly and gradually as mentioned in Nina’s post above.

There are so many reminders that will help you on what to do.

“I align myself with people who support my growth. If you meet someone whose soul is not aligned with yours, send them love and move along.”
— Dr. Wayne Dyer

“Align yourself with people that you can learn from, people who want more out of life, people who are stretching and searching and seeking some higher ground in life.”
― Les Brown

“If someone messes up, let it go. If they keep messing up, let them go.”

One of the callers had a similar type of question to Eckhart Tolle on SuperSoul Sunday with Oprah
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yy_tbkDhQ_s)

One nice comment down on that video….’those who appreciate an awakened you are the friends worth keeping’

Best Wishes,
VJ

Remember what makes you a friend. It’s that you provide “advice and guidance” to them, not because of any superficial things you have in common. It’s not how we spend our Saturday nights that makes us friends.

Since you mentioned your friends’ high-risk lifestyles, do I take it to mean that you are afraid they will tempt you into that kind of lifestyle? Have they gotten the message that you’re not interested in that kind of life, and accepted it? Is it possible that, conversely, you, with your simpler, more mindful life, can inspire them to improve themselves? Knowing that we’re leading by example can be a real boost to our self-esteem.

Friendship is never selfish. We don’t form friendships just because of what we’re going to get out of them, but simply because it is a good thing to do. If you are upset that you are only giving and not getting, then they’re not truly your friends anyway, and so you should have no trouble letting go. And if they are upset that you’re not spending more time with them, then they’re not truly your friends in that case either. But if they’re content to not see so much of you, and you’re content just to provide advice when they need it, then you have a true friendship. In any case, there is no problem.

What makes an ideal world? What makes reality? We do. We can accept that “that’s just the way it is,” and let other people define words like “friendship” for us, or we can decide for ourselves what they mean. A word that describes something we value so much, like “friendship,” ought to mean something. Many of us have been hurt by people who claim to be our friends, but don’t act like it. Has this happened to you? Should we just accept this “reality,” in which “friendship” is used to manipulate us for someone else’s selfish gain, or should we each be free to be friends in our own way? I have faith that you will figure out for yourself whether it is worth being friends with these people, in time. Your heart is in the right place; it’s good that you are trying to have a positive influence on them. I think I’m not the only idealist here, see? We just have to accept that some people are not ready to receive the message we have for them. Just know that it’s not a failure on your part if you’re not connecting with them.

You say “blunt,” I say “simple.” A good first step in dealing with any problem is to simplify it. In many cases, just simplifying the terms of the problem can make the problem disappear. Try it, is all I’m saying. I actually think all our problems can be reduced to one problem, which almost all of us share, but that’s a topic for another forum. Yes, it is upsetting when someone claims that a problem is illusory, but first of all, what I told you so “bluntly” is something that I tell myself every day, whenever I feel like I have a problem, and second of all, wouldn’t you agree that it is at least equally upsetting to find problems where there are none?