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Too young to fall in love? Letting go of a good thing.

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  • May 21, 2016 at 11:36 am #105269
    Chase
    Participant

    Hello, my name is Chase. I recently had to give-up a relationship with someone I truly love and care about. We both finished graduate school this spring and obtained great jobs. However, the jobs are not in the same city or state for that matter.

    We started our relationship knowing our education and careers are our top priority. We realize we are too young to settle down or follow another person out of love. The relationship started out as very casual, and I never expected to care for him as much as I do now. I knew it would have to end come graduation.

    We are now away from each other. He has started his career, and I’ll begin mine next month. It was hard to say goodbye – many tears, but as time passes, it has been getting more difficult to handle my emotions! I thought time would slowly make me feel better. I guess its the reality of not seeing each other anymore setting in? We still talk and exchange “I love you,” but we know our relationship has ended. We agreed long distance is not an option, and the cities we work in do not provided the opportunities for the other in terms of careers so there is no moving to one location or the other.

    I guess my question is does anyone have advice for handling a situation like this? How should I move one? What is healthy? The relationship did not end badly, we still care a great deal about each other, and we want to remain close. In a way everything ended “good” but it feels awful. How do I move, stop holding on, feeling guilty for meeting new people, or feeling jealousy when he sees other people? My gut reaction is to limit communication, but that feels cold and hurtful. I have had friends tell me “If you really care about each other, you will find a way to be together.” In sense that is true, but I also feel that advice is a little naive considering I am a young professional where I have placed a lot of value on my career. This is a situation I have never been in before, and I would be extremely grateful for any advice anyone has. Hard truths are appreciated – do not hesitate to be a straight shooter with any advice you have! I will not be offended.

    Sincerely,

    Chase

    May 21, 2016 at 12:57 pm #105271
    sandstorm
    Participant

    hey chase i am with your friends “If you really care about each other, you will find a way to be together.”
    its not like one of you cheated, or not compatible , was in unhealthy relationship . so there is no strong reason to end it .
    only problem you are facing is long distance m i right . people put so much effort to make it work . you can visit him alternate weekend . same he can . but question is are you willing to put so much effort to make it work. is he willing to put effort to make it work .
    Honestly speaking you guys are giving up not for strong reason . r u willing to trust him .
    well i was you i would try my best to make it work . i know my friends and relative who were in 5-6 years of long distance relationship .
    so i would suggest to communicate with you special one and think about it . ….
    giving up is an easy option ,making it work is difficult one .
    you will never have perfect cookie cut out condition . i believe you should adapt the situation .

    i wrote this way because you willing to listen ok (Hard truths are appreciated – do not hesitate to be a straight shooter with any advice you have! I will not be offended.)

    May 21, 2016 at 7:06 pm #105279
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    I’m probably going to tell you something you’re not going to like. Don’t put your career in front of your personal life but still make it a priority of some sort. I too spent my 20s building a career. It was my priority and I enjoyed it so much I missed out on a lot in my personal life. I’m in my very early 30s now and have all the things that I wanted to have and nothing I actually need. If I could travel back in time and talk to my younger self I’d tell him to just be free of expectations or having the need to reach some level of acceptance. Because the truth is I’d have been where I am now anyway maybe 6 or 7 years later, but I’d be happier knowing I didn’t miss out on anything in the process. So if you feel like doing a stunt in the name of love – do it. Seriously. If you have your head screwed onto your shoulders the right way then your career ain’t going anywhere.

    May 21, 2016 at 7:40 pm #105282
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Chase:

    You and the man you fell in love with have an important value in common: both of you most highly value your education and professional career. You now value your relationship with him highly as well. So now, you have two values: a professional career and the relationship with this man.

    If I was you, I would talk with him about these two values and check with him: does he value this relationship as much as you? Is he struggling too? What are his thoughts?

    If he is certain he wants to move on from the relationship with you, that would give you a closure, a closing of the door. If not, well… take it from there.

    Please post again, especially if you have this conversation/s with him.

    anita

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