Hello,

Here is what I think: what you are seeing as being annoying to you in your friends is actually a direct reflection of what is going on inside of yourself. Is it that you are annoyed with them for not allowing you your space to think/express freely, or are you lacking something internally and in need of validation? In my experience the later usually causes internal discomfort, which manifests as annoyance.

I would examine your past “primary” relationships…did you grow up with a regular message of dismissal to your intuition/thoughts/perceptions? If so, is it possible that you are repeating those core patterns? These are questions I would examine, and HAVE examined as I have struggled with the same scenarios in the past. Lack of receiving validation from the parental figure(s) often results in our seeking out friends in adulthood who mirror these issues within us…for the purpose of allowing us the opportunity to recognize them for what they are and to change ourselves. Basically, you will never be able to change them….only your own perception of the situations and how you choose to handle them, as well as yourself.

I do feel that it is important to speak your own truth..which takes COURAGE. I am in the process of letting myself do that and have lost friends…including my “best” friend..but not over anything dramatic…I think it’s because they have become uncomfortable with me speaking my truth in general, and not just going along with whatever ideas suit them (as far as negativity / gossip goes). If you lose everyone around you by being true to yourself then you will be left with what matters most – your true authentic self. The key is to let them go in Love…not out of negativity or a place of self-pity..but to come into the awareness that they have their journey and you have yours…and it’s OKAY (and probably even good) if your roads begin to head in different directions (it doesn’t mean your paths won’t cross again at some point down the road)..just be sure to stick to YOUR road..it will lead you to beautiful places you can only dream of at the present moment.

I hope that makes some sort of sense. I am really responding to you, but also to my own inner self that is going through this process with those that are/have been close to me – as I begin being true to myself and letting others be themselves…and all that such a venture entails. You are seeking out the answers…and they will come in time, as you are ready. Blessings.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by RG.

“How do you guys deal with not letting the behavior of others destroy your inner peace?”

It’s a tough one for sure. One of the things I do that (sort of) helps is to resist the urge to argue. Don’t let people pick fights. “Is that what you think? Ok then.”

When people tell you what you feel is wrong, maybe you could turn that into a conversation about why they’re being asshats, rather than about how a person ought to be feeling (which is a fruitless discussion anyway). Telling people they’re wrong isn’t a friendly thing to do. So if you’re with a friend, you can address that. Talk about the fact you’re fighting instead of having the fight. It can help cut to the chase.