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Toxic relationship repetition

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  • #390820
    Michael
    Participant

    A person I know and care about is on a path to repeat a mistake made a number of times in the past 15 or so years. This person has repeatedly entered into relationships that promise to fulfill their needs. Each and every time the partner chosen has proven unworthy and then my friend collapses. Is there a manner in which I can bring this to light? I know I cannot save anyone but myself but I simply cannot witness this any more. Neither can I walk away. I would dearly appreciate any insights. Thank you.

    #390829
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Michael:

    Using some of your words, you can tell the person you know and care about something like this:

    I care about you, this is why I want to tell you something that I hope will help you: I witnessed that in the last 15 years, you repeatedly entered into relationships with people who  proved unworthy of your trust, and as a result you collapsed every time. I think that you are about to enter another such relationship and I am afraid it will end the same way. I don’t want you to collapse again.

    Be prepared to tell this person you care about, why you suspect that his or her love interest is not worthy of trust.

    * I wonder about something: you wrote that this person “repeatedly entered into relationships that promised to fulfill their needs”. I never heard that before, a person promising another: I will fulfill your needs,! It sounds like too big of a promise, a promise that is not realistic to make, don’t you think?

    anita

    #390830
    Michael
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you…your comment has led to an approach that I hope will at least register.

    </p>
    as to your question…my friend is a sucker for sweet talk and becomes blinded to anything else…so… what I meant was that these very skilled, even criminal, persons make themselves out to be the end all be all…they are not…and when that reality hits…the spin off from the fan blades is truly awful… thanks for your insight…

    #390840
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Michael:

    You are welcome. It reads like your friend is desperate, and that desperation blinds your friend, so much so, that your friend repeatedly becomes a victim to sometimes “very skilled, even criminal, persons (who) make themselves out to be the end all be all“.

    Reads like maybe some of these people exploit your friend financially. If this is the case, sit with your friend and (1) list the methods by which those persons exploited your friend in the past, (2) look to see if your friend’s current romantic interest has been laying the ground to do the same, and (3) find ways to protect your friend from future financial exploitations.

    Psychotherapy for the purpose of gaining insight into your friend’s desperation and learning to manage it so to not be exploited in any way, sounds like a good idea to me!

    anita

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