- This topic has 3 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 5 months ago by
Todzilla.
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October 9, 2014 at 1:15 pm #66163
TodzillaParticipantI am the head of technology for a 9,000+ organization. I’m new to this organization.
Our webmaster has been using an inherently insecure method of access the website from home (using her personal laptop to connect to our Administrative network). I’ve told her we need to give her a more secure method of accessing the website from home. I’ve offered to give her a tricked out laptop that we manage, to access the Administrative network securely. New machine, more direct access, a big win, right?
She is losing her composure over this, claiming I’m trying to ruin her job, she’s threatening violence against me and my team and is demanding a showdown to challenge my stance on network security. She went off on me before and was further incensed that “he just sat there calmly, reflecting back what I said and using a calm voice, trying reassure me.”
The CEO and HR Directors have my back, and are giving her an ultimatum. It’s so sad. I feel like the alternative we’re giving her is actually far better for her, but she is viewing everything as a personal attack against her. I can’t let her continue this insecure practice, but I would love to find an outcome to accommodate her needs without her taking it personally.
I feel so badly for her and wish there was something I could do to help her view this more objectively.
sigh…
October 9, 2014 at 3:10 pm #66164
MattParticipantTodzilla,
What a wonderful opportunity to see how pointless and self sabotaging anger is. All this commotion from such an odd thing, some attachment that stings her, bustles her all up. My guess is she feels ashamed for her practice, and is defending against your “attack” on her credibility. Rather than just “oops, yeah, thanks, much better now”. How very normal of her, how very natural. Reminds me of Toddzilla a little. 🙂 Different faces, of course.
The solution, perhaps, is to help her see how you’re trying to help her fix one of the oars on her boat, not challenging her captain skills. Doing your job to tighten the ship, but not judging her own skillful understanding in her areas of expertise. Remember, her feelings aren’t about the laptop itself, anymore than your feelings of anger at your wife when she walks away from you has to do with the shape of her backside. Its symbolic of something, or it would just be a butt. Or a laptop. See?
And its a win win, because even if you can’t get through to her, seeing past the anger will be good for you. Learning to be kind to a friend caught in a frenzy does a lot to help us see how we can give the same friendliness to ourselves when we frenzy. Ie, forgive our own anger and be free of it. 🙂
With warmth,
MattOctober 9, 2014 at 4:39 pm #66165
AliamanuParticipantHello Todzilla,
Difficult work situations are trying and they tax our spirits. I’m sorry you’re going through something like that.
If I may offer this comment: The webmaster is a master of her own life, her own successes and failures, as the rest of us are masters of our own lives. She is choosing to view the situation as a personal attack rather than an opportunity to learn and grow, both personally and professionally. That is her choice. Unless and until she is able to calm her mind and spirit sufficiently to see and hear what you are presenting, she will be resistant to anything anybody says.
It sounds like you’ve exercised compassion and empathy by trying to reason with her. That is the most you can do; the rest is up to her. If she does not comply with the ultimatum set by the CEO and HR director, then she must deal with the consequences on her own. It’s a hard thing for a compassionate person to witness but again, she is the master of her own life.
I hope this helps a little. I wish the best for both you and the Webmaster.
With warm aloha,
AliamanuNovember 25, 2014 at 7:40 am #68368TodzillaParticipantAn update: The individual tendered her resignation, it was accepted by HR with no effort to retain her. She is distraught that her threat of resignation did not result in the company reconsidering her argument. She’s spreading rumors that I am somehow engineering her demise and that I harbor ambitions to take over the organization.
I must admit that it’s fairly easy for me to overlook these crazy accusations, as they have no basis in fact. It makes it easy for me to feel great empathy and compassion for her. She’s clearly in enormous pain and is lashing out for reasons I don’t fully understand. Also, I have full support from the CEO and the Board on this matter, so the only stress I’m feeling is out of concern for this person.
This is an old expression, but I just learned it recently and it applies perfectly here: Hurt people hurt people.
I wish they was a way to reach out compassionately, but I’m pretty sure her view of me is so negative that it would only cause her further pain. So, I sit back and send out vibes of peace.
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