Hello everyone,

Haven’t written on this site for a while now but I know I can turn to this community when I am in need. I have been doing really well lately but this past Saturday I was back to being the insecure, scared abandoned little girl. I am 31 years old and somethings still make me want to roll up in a ball and cry.

On Saturday I went to the my father’s accountant to get my taxes done. This man in the past has been inappropriate with me by hugging me too tight or looking at me like a piece of meat. This time to avoid being hugged full on, I gave him a side hug. He put his hand up to my boob and tried to caress it. By instinct I slapped his hand down and pushed him away. He continued to do my taxes as I just acted normal. I am Indian girl and can’t say that men have not tried to grope me before. Its a daily occurance in India where in crowed busses and trains women get molested everyday. I was angry at myself for not screaming at him. The shame of all of this kept me quiet.

I was molested repeatedly when I was 6 by an older neighbor when I lived in India. I have always been ashamed of that. My parents don’t know this but knowing them, they will always blame me. This Saturday I decided to tell them. I told my dad to never use him again. He didn’t say anything but my mom said “he was probably being friendly. You don’t use him if u like but he charges us less, we will use him”. And she laughed when I told her about my boob. It shattered my heart.

I have been battling codependency and this triggered every codependent bone in my body. I am in a relationship now and I see myself looking for support from him. He does the best he can but culturally he doesn’t understand why I can’t report this man or why my ma would say that. This makes me withdraw from him. I am writing this forum to ask you guys to help me get pass this. I know I am the only one who can help me but sometimes a girl just needs a shoulder to cry on or someone to understand.

S