Hey guys,

thank you in advance if you have taken the time to read the whole story.

Usually I´m more of a quiet reader here I rarely comment unless i have something new to add to the discussion.
These past days have been somewhat difficult for me and I´m trying my best to handle it but sometimes I´m not sure how to behave so I´d like to have some of your opinions on the matter.

This week my sister has decided to break it to everyone that she´s in a relationship with a woman.Previously she only had boyfriends. Even though my family comes from a strict catholic background most of them have told her that they are happy for her and that they would like to meet her girlfriend.

My mother admitted that she isnt jumping with happiness but that ofc they are welcome to celebrate christmas with us and that she ofc loves my sister just the same. She asked though for some time to come to terms with it and she asked her politely if she could not go all out with making it public everywhere until she´s really sure about that relationship. Knowing some people in my mothers family and some of her friends i already expect them to talk about my mom being “at fault” for my sister´s “sins” because she got divorced or didnt raise her right. Even though i think she should just let them talk my mother takes what other people say about her very much to the heart. My mom simply wished to be on good terms about my sisters new relationship herself so she could defend her if necessary.

Note : My sister has been with that girl less than 2 months. They live a 3 hour drive apart, her gf is 7 years younger and has a 5 year old daughter. Yet she has been talking about moving in together in the very near future.

My sister has gone completely berserk over my mothers request. She has been insulting her in words i dont want to repeat here and blocked all contact with her. She also said she wont talk with her or spend christmas with us as a result of it. My mother has been in tears about it. Ever since she got divorced and my grandmother died she has been looking forward to the holidays the most since it´s one of the few times the three of us come together (i dont live near my family). My mother has always supported my sister financially and emotionally up to the point I´d say she has spoiled her rotten.

I tried to talk some sense into my sister – telling her that no matter what went down it was not okay to insult our mother and that if she demands respect and understanding she has to understand another persons position too. It backfired with her telling me that I didnt understand her suffering all these years about surpressing her true self and how she had boyfriends only for the family. I told her that yes i couldnt understand her pain and that i think its great she has found the strength to be true to herself but even so no one has ever forced her into any relationship and either way I felt like she should apologize for hurting a loved one.She in turn demanded that my mother should apologize to her for not accepting her the way she is and trying to force her to lie to the public.

To put it mildly my sister loves herself in the victim role. Sometimes i´ve caught her lying about circumstances including her childhood just so she could pull people to her side. This time around as well she has told others that my mother and aunt didnt accept her the way she was and that´s why she would spend christmas alone. Note : My aunt her godmother hadn´t even said anything about it yet.

I have come to terms with my sisters drama´s over the years. There was always some messed up story. One time she threw a 3 hour fit in the car because apparently we had more pictures of other family members in the living room than hers (tbh i didnt notice and i never counted). But my mother gets hurt by it. I´ve been trying to pickup the pieces every time even in hour long skype conversations. It has gone so far that my mom is meeting with a therapist. Yet she has always gone soft on my sister after a while.
I feel that my mom´s selfloathing, blaming and depression is a result of my fathers and sisters mental abuse of the past few years and that toxic behaviour also drags me down.

On the one hand I´m trying to help my mother who is devasted, hurt and in tears every time (so much i cant remember when we had the last conversation that wasn´t depressing) and my sister who i think really wants attention and love but is doing everything to destroy it.As much as I´d love to be on good terms with my sister as i am with my cousins I cant. I wish i could help her but from my point of you unless she shows some kind of remorse for how she treats our mother – I simply dont know how to handle her anymore.

I don´t know if I´m too harsh to my sister or if i should try another way to approach. But even when my cousins tried to persuade her she just went on whining about how she isnt accepted and how she´s in the right and everyone else is just a hypocrite. I´m honestly at loss.