September 21, 2017 at 2:38 am #169639
It has been a little over 2 years since my wife's affair. Don't get me wrong, we are in a much better place now then we ever where. I have been battling a nasty depression phase for the past 6 months or so. This included the nightmares and the regurgitation of all the things I discovered from that time. Things you really don't need nor want to think about ever again. I could not get out of it myself, so I went back to therapy, this time to a new therapist. About three weeks ago, the dosage on my antidepressant was increased and I am starting to feel better, which I am happy about. It has been a long time coming to be honest.
This felt like a rebirth for me, especially given what I went through a little over 2 years ago. I have been wanting another tattoo for a while and about a year ago I decided what I wanted and this time around I went and got it done. The sessions just started and I have two more to go, but I do feel like a new person. I decided to get a ‘Phoenix', which symbolizes a re-birth and the ability to rise from the ashes.
After seeing the new therapist and getting my tattoo, I actually did an exercise that the therapist recommend I do, but I could never get up enough courage and thought to go through with it. I decided to write a letter to the person who had the affair with my wife, which at the time was a very close friend of mine (the affair was a double betrayal hit). I was never able to tell him how I really felt because at the time I was in shock/denial and in order to keep my marriage and family together I had to keep it a secret. So for 7 months post affair his family and our family still would get together and such and act like it never happened. Believe me it was horrible and I basically lived on xanax and alcohol to cope, until I took a stand and took back my life and marriage. My wife and I are in a better place than we ever were, we are approaching 18 years of marriage, really 1.5 half years of our NEW marriage (marriage 2.0). We are stronger than we ever were before! We made it through all that shit!! Below is the letter I wrote as an exercise to get the things off my chest, basically say the things I should have said to him but was not able to at the time. I just wanted to share. Sometimes it feels better to me knowing that someone else may have experienced what I have and maybe me sharing how I got through the tough times can help someone else with their tough times too. Keep in mind there is allot of anger in this letter, but it felt good to get it out and I actually felt relief mentally from it, still not sure why though.
Letter to an ex-friend:
You got off easy on the conversation we had a couple of years ago. At that time I was doped up on xanax and any other drug(s) to keep me calm and somewhat focused. I truly feel sorry for you at this point in my life, but I have no empathy for you. You got off easy, your repercussions should have been allot worse, but karma will take care of that, I know there is more coming your way. Looking back at what you did, I can now see that you are not a man, and you have no backbone. You are actually quite pathetic, come to think of it. You wanted what was mine, you tried to take it from me, but in the end, no matter how beat down I was you still could not knock me down for the count. You manipulated the situation to your advantage, which like the liar and feeble man that you are, you had no choice, you were desperate for no one to find out. I rose up and destroyed your perfect little world. You are a person who is only out for himself and no one else.
Let me share a tidbit of information with you. You can and will never achieve what I have achieved in life, even with all your money, you can’t buy what I have, what I have achieved and who and what I am. What I am, IS better than you will ever amount to be. You lack the integrity as a man to do anything in life worthwhile. You are pathetic and weak, people like you are not acknowledged, you are a speedbump in the road of life. I now walk over people like yourself who get in my way, you are BENEATH me!!
Looking back, it really is amazing how distorted your reality was. The fact that you were annoyed that your house cameras were hacked, and the fact that you stated “I trusted him (me) when he put them in” all the the while you were screwing around with my wife truly shows how narcissistic and delusional you really are. You are one fucked up individual, no doubt about that.
I truly believe in karma, things do happen full circle. You will at some point in your life experience the pain and anguish that I felt as the result of your actions. In the future, secrets will be revealed that were thought to remain secret, they are coming!!. The big difference is that you are too weak of a man to bounce back from the same pain, you couldn’t handle it. It would utterly destroy you and keep you down for good, which is pretty much where you should be. In time, you will get yours…
I leave you with this quote, these are words that I currently live by. Unfortunately for people like you who are feeble, dishonest, lack dignity, have no respect for themselves or others will never attain the spirit needed to move forward in life with any true personal success or purpose. You just don’t have what it takes, you never had and you never will!!
Once thing is for sure, it will NEVER be forgiven, but it can be FORGOTTEN. The true power comes with learning to live with it, and growing stronger by learning from it. Like I said, it can be forgotten, just like you, it and you don’t matter.
‘”The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”September 21, 2017 at 10:33 am #169673
Dear cmd neo:
Your anger at this man is understandable: he was your friend and betrayed your trust in him as a friend. Even if he was not your friend, he chose to have an affair with a married woman, and so, he hurt you a whole lot.
Following your last quote, I do hope you continue to move forward.