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Unable to forget and need guidance

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  • August 13, 2017 at 7:32 am #163734
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Littlered:

    There is no doubt that the words articulated, and the message in them, were very offensive, disrespectful, abusive, vulgar.

    The thing is, you weren’t sure until you wrote the last post that indeed they were vulgar. I know you weren’t sure because you wrote: “it felt like someone agreed that what they said was unacceptable…all agree that those comments were indeed vulgar”. You needed others to agree because you weren’t sure.

    You wrote in your last post: “”I always wondered what did I do to deserve this”- You believed you deserved it, and that would have made those words… true.

    You continued: “I got my answer- Nothing. I am not and never was responsible for their behaviour. And that sets me free.”

    I hope you are free from the hold these words of five years ago had on you for the last five years, but freedom from the core-belief that you are not worthy (the core belief that kept playing those words in your brain) doesn’t come this… easy. It doesn’t happen in a thread.

    Pay attention to the many ways this core belief operates, as in you feeling guilty about borrowing a stapler at work (something you shared in a previous thread). Continue your healing from this core belief and post anytime.

    anita

     

    August 13, 2017 at 8:06 am #163750
    Littlered
    Participant

    Hi anita,

    yes I completely agree with you, the feeling of not worthy is not gone yet. It has manifested in many other areas too. But I came to know that this issue has it too. As I identify these, it becomes easier to work on them as if I got a diagnosis. 

    The words still are there, but the strange feeling they used to bring up in me are quite mild now. It is as if they are having their power taken away. Now I know it is not what they did or said but how I am continuing to let it inside me and trigger me.

    the core issue as you rightly pointed out is that of self worth and that is a path I have already started walking. You might recollect recommending CBT exercises which have started to help me immensely. I intend to continue on those lines. 

    I am reminded through this thread yet again that I have self worth issues which is the key issue, rest are manifested versions of it.

    thank you once again for your support

    Littlered

     

    August 13, 2017 at 8:20 am #163754
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Littlered:

    You are very welcome.

    You wrote: “it is not what they did or said but how I am continuing to let it inside me and trigger me”- I believe it is both: it is about what the man said and it is about it triggering the I-am-not-worthy core belief. The words were offensive- your reaction is understandable. The intensity of the reaction over five years is about the core belief being there, breathing life into these words.

    In my experience, it takes a whole lot of patience with the process of changing this kind of core beliefs. You are definitely on the path of changing yours. Yes, I remember you  liking the CBT concept and exercises. To put it very simply, the thought in the core belief that you are not worthy is incorrect. Corrected belief/ thought: you are worthy.

    Now, if only it was that simple to change a core belief!

    anita

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