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Undersired Neutrality

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  • September 17, 2014 at 5:56 am #65038
    Gavin
    Participant

    Here’s an interesting phase which I seem to be facing.. Is it possible to be in a place where your heart and mind can switch from feeling aspects of love (the liking of the idea, the openness, even the wanting) to not feeling them? This isn’t to say that I want to achieve that, but more that I seem to already be there. I used to be and feel very romantic – the openness, acceptance of feelings (which has proven both a nurturing and destructive rollercoaster over the years), but these days I seem to find it all a rather contradictory matter of blandness, and with the veneer gone almost a meaningless pursuit. On one level I wonder whether it could simply be an issue of my being properly comfortable with my life, and I have wondered whether this is simply a result of some level of newly acquired level of maturity. At 43 I’m not exactly an emotional spring chicken, so maybe I have developed a tendency to meet associated thoughts and feelings in a more pragmatic way, but it seems also that I have gone too far and harbour no feelings of desire or belief in women now, when previously I would have a definite emotional reaction, regardless of circumstances or possibilities. I’ve never really considered this kind of neutrality to be a part of my personality make up, and wondered if anyone had any meditative suggestions for reclaiming that sense of desire and emotional awareness, or if anyone has simply had a similar experience?

    September 17, 2014 at 11:40 am #65057
    fries with bacon
    Participant

    Gavin,
    For your contemplation:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3rPMNvo13A&list=UU0T8efFlK-qLIJQ06TX5vbA&index=42
    Cheers

    September 17, 2014 at 3:10 pm #65094
    Gavin
    Participant

    Thanks Fries.. I suspect there’s a lot to go at here! It’s a strange place to be, but I don’t think it’s anything really related to sex as such.. I just would really like to reconnect with that feeling of love again. Maybe I’m seeing it through nostalgia, and I won’t feel it the same way again, as I have done in the past ?! Who knows.. We’ll see I suppose

    September 18, 2014 at 5:44 am #65152
    fries with bacon
    Participant

    Gavin,
    I agree . . . not related to sex per se (his vid was a response to a specific email question obviously) but perhaps replace references to sex with love, desire, etc.

    Neutrality or fatigue?
    Wanting to move away from previous patterns of emotional expression but not knowing how to interpret, filter, and/or express what comes up in a close relationship so one defaults to ‘shutting off’?
    Perhaps not a signal of maturity (whatever that is) in so much as a sign you have other things you could explore

    It is a meaningless “pursuit” because there is nothing ‘out there’ to pursue: someone or something that will be or act in a way toward you that you will then determine gives you permission to feel x, y, or z. . . and someone that you can then determine is worthy of your emotional attachment.

    I do think age has something to do with it.
    Fortunately, one’s perception does change . . . who would want to have the same type of relationship dynamics at 45 that they had in their 20’s? yikes but that can leave us wondering how to negotiate our relationships with a different play book.

    But always fun to call bullshit on oneself:
    Am I really maturing or am I tired of trying to get other people to meet my needs the way I want them to?
    Have I become someone else but I’m judging myself with an outdated perspective (nostalgia)?
    Am I really aware of how I have used all my relationships to get my needs met? (because that is what we do with them)
    Have I adequately explored my definitions and assumptions (brainwashing) about romance and love and emotionally-charged relationships and openness and blandness?
    Yes, who knows . . .

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