Dear Lola:

It is Tues night here and I would like to thoroughly read your post and reply Wed morning. But for now, I was wondering regarding the beginning of your post: “I recently quit a great job. I had no choice but to quit, my boss was flirting with me on our Xmas party, he was arm in arm with me, gave me a long hug before I got into the cab staring into my eyes and telling me I am doing great and he was so happy with me“-

– is it possible that after a few alcoholic drinks during the Xmas party (if drinking was involved; it most often is), like many tipsy people, he became the.. loving-kind of (bit) of a drunk, not flirty, just loving/ affectionate, something that can or should be forgiven?

I am asking because sometimes when I am tipsy, I feel this child-like love for people (men and women), nothing flirty, I assure you!

anita

Dear Lola:

“my boss was flirting with me on our Xmas party, he was arm in arm with me, gave me a long hug before I got into the cab, staring into my eyes and telling me I am doing great and he was so happy with me. My husband had come to pick me up and saw us and got very upset“- your boss was walking you to a cab arm in arm, and before you got into the cab, he gave you a hug, telling you that he appreciates your work. He did all that in public, in front of the other attendees of the Xmas party. Your husband did not know that a cab was ordered for you and came to pick you up, seeing you and your boss walking arm in arm, and/ or he saw the hug.

Wikipedia defines flirting as “a social and sexual behavior involving body language, or spoken or written communication between humans”. In your description above, I personally do not see the sexual element. I can’t tell what your former boss felt when he hugged you, but you did not mention any sexual response or behavior on his part.

“he (your husband) fought with me for months, still hates me for it today even though I quit. It also became physical and I was hurt trying to apologize, I didn’t cheat and felt so depressed“- your husband fought with you for months and hit you (or caused you physical harm otherwise). This is an abusive overreaction to the Xmas party scene above.

You told your boss about your husband fighting with you. At first, he was sympathetic, then he started ignoring you, and then your manager (a woman) “started to show hate and micromanage me and load me with so much work it was impossible to do it all to her expectations…  then placed me on a performance improvement plan which was impossible to achieve“. Next, knowing you were about to get fired, you quit the job.

You’ve been looking for a new job, having had 5 interviews. About one of the interviewer, you wrote: “the interviewer hugged me at the end and promised she would follow up in a week, she didn’t… she ghosted me, I feel terrible and rejected“- it seems strange to me that an interviewer in a professional setting will hug the interviewed (unless the two know each other as friends from before the interview..?)

I am not suggesting it was a flirting behavior on her part, as in a sexual element being involved, and you didn’t mention such, perhaps (?) because unlike your former boss, the interviewer was a woman.

“I’m so depressed now that I have no job, no income, and all my interviews have been unsuccessful… my husband is trying to be supportive and has been paying all the bills“- your husband is trying to be supportive, but he still hates you today (“still hates me for it today even though I quit“, you wrote earlier).

“My husband and I are trying for a baby“- while he hates you?

“I am physically very attractive (been told this) and all men try to flirt with me at some point even though I am strict with morals and would never cheat“- this suggests to me that you expect men to try to flirt with you simply because all men have tried to flirt with you. Perhaps at times, you misinterpret men’s gestures and behaviors to mean that they are flirting with you when they are not.

“I feel suicidal most days and have vivid dreams of death and sometimes working in a good job… my brain is unable to cope with this development and low in my life, especially since I was doing well in my career, I wonder if it’s just me, or has anyone else been through this, defeated and broken…  I cant bear this happened to me… and feel so lonely… I don’t have friends“- sometime while I was typing this reply, you deactivated your account and appear as Anonymous. It happened before that members deactivated their accounts and returned to their threads under a different account. I hope that this will be the case with you!

You wrote that you feel so lonely and that you don’t have friends. If you return to your thread, I would like to be your friend (in the context of your thread): not because you are physically very attractive, but because you are emotionally in pain. I would like to read from you more, talk with you more, share with you.

“please help/advice me on what I can do.“- please return to your thread. There is a quote I like: “The only way out is through“- let me walk with you through and out of your depression and loneliness..?

anita