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  • July 17, 2013 at 9:45 am #38801
    rm056789
    Participant

    I am 25 years old. I have lived my life by ‘going through the motions’ as much as I hate to use that cliche. I graduated university, went to grad school as I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. From there I entered into a PhD program – primarily based upon advise I received from others about how it is the practical and logical thing to do.
    Now here I am, 3 years into a PhD hating 90% of what I do. It is not fulfilling, I wake up in the morning wishing I could quit and do something different. This past year, for the first time in my life, I have began to reflect. I reflected on my actions in the past, the type of person I want to be, what happiness is, what would I think of my life if I were to become diagnosed with a terminal illness (morbid I know),and how I ended up where I am. And now I am haunted by that question of what do I want to do with my life. I am lucky as I have had supportive parents and for that I am eternally grateful, however their support seems to be limited to the conventions of normal jobs and schooling. As I have come to realize, I do not want a job that fits into these conventions. I know most people go through a phase in their life where they feel lost, and I guess that is where I am today. I don’t know what to expect out of this, but I do know I want a change. How do you go about telling parents that have invested thousands of dollars into a degree that you want to quit and start something new?

    Any advice would be appreciated.

    July 17, 2013 at 4:04 pm #38828
    Matt
    Participant

    Rm056789,

    Is that your real name? No wonder you’ve been robotic in action if you were named so! 🙂

    It sound like you’re experiencing burnout. If you’re 3 years into a PhD, you’re not that far from being a Doctor. This will give a lot of freedom to you! Is there really no career or life path that the PhD relates to that you would enjoy doing?

    Do you self-nurture? Sometimes when we are overly stressed, we feel we are on autopilot and everything becomes a chore. Its possible that you’re just in the wrong place, but it is also possible your stress is turning everything you’re doing into a painful experience. The solution varies per individual, but sometimes all we need to do is remember how to play.

    One Zen trick is to get in front of a mirror and act goofy. Cluck like a chicken, wave your arms around, speak nonsense and look at how ridiculous you are! We forget sometimes how playful life can be, and we knit our brows and become sooo serious. There’s a kid in there under the numbers, and perhaps that kid needs a little space to play. 🙂

    Here’s a joke:
    A student walks into a monetary and approaches the master. “If I join your sangha, how long until I become enlightened?”

    “Ten years” the master says.

    “What if I double my efforts and work really hard?”

    “Twenty years.”

    With warmth,
    Matt

    July 18, 2013 at 8:49 am #38848
    Crissy
    Participant

    Dearest RM,
    I do not have any advise to offer as far as breaking the news to your parents about leaving school but ask yourself this: Are you really here, in this beautiful galaxy of ours, where us humans are a miracle, nearly an impossibility; Just to do something that makes you miserable? Life is a gift!
    Look within yourself, the answers are there. I know that doesn’t sound comforting but it should! You already have all the answers!
    I can totally relate though!
    I went to school on scholarship only to realize that school was SOOO not for me. So what happened? Because I didn’t finish I had to pay back the money I had used, which was like $20,000. And my father is only supportive in the same way your parents are. But I was so miserable and so fed up that I just jumped. I quit. I thought my father would be so pissed since he was the one who would have to pay for it (he tends to have a nasty temper) but it ended up being all good!
    I’m sure your parents don’t want you to be miserable so I say just jump. What’s the worst that will happen? My dad was sore at me for a bit but you know what? I was much happier in the end.
    I wouldn’t normally tell someone to just quit what they’re doing but I feel that everyone should follow their bliss. This is the best thing you can do for yourself and for the rest of the world. Maybe you don’t know what you want to do but you DO know what you DON’T want to do.
    What Matt is saying is very good too, good reminder and good questions to ask yourself. I’m sure there is a lot you can do with a PhD. And if you ever want to live and work in a foreign country it won’t be hard for you with a PhD.
    Love and light
    Crissy

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