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Wanting to Change My Life

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #324477

    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    Hey everyone. I hope the holidays are good for you. I had a rough day and I don’t want to communicate with my loved ones. For some reason, it seems easier for me to speak to strangers rather than them. I’ll give you a background story on myself.

    I’m autistic. Aside from that, I graduated from MCC. I feel proud to heading into the medical field. But it wasn’t easy getting there. For a long time, I went from hating my autism to finally accepting it. While I am glad that my confidence has soared, I still struggle with not taking things personally.

    My childhood and adolescence was filled with me fighting against myself. I was always the one to always put others’ needs before my own. There were times I wanted to drop my life and become a different person where no one knows my past, present, and future.

    The questions I have are these.

    How do I ignore the constant criticism that my parents give about the world? It’s not like I was born yesterday. I know life is hard. That’s why I read memoirs and non fiction. I sometimes wish I had done what I can to leave my city sooner. I’m too terrified of repeating certain patterns in my life.

     

    #324479

    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    Just to clarify. I’m not in any danger. I’m physically safe. It’s just my emotions that are a bit awry.

    #324545

    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    I have a great announcement! I was cast as the Ghost of Christmas Present for A Seussical Christmas Carol!

    I’m still open for you all to replying to this message! Support your local theaters!

    #324673

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aiyana Henderson:

    Welcome back, and congratulations for graduating from MCC and heading into the medical field, how exciting! Also, congrats for having been cast as the Ghost of Christmas Present for a Seussical Christmas Carol!

    “There were times I wanted to drop my life and become a different person where no one knows my past, present, and future”- I wonder what that different person was, that you wished to be and if you are now that person.

    “How do I ignore the constant criticism that my parents give about the world?”-

    – my answer: if you live with them, move out. If you live away from them, let them know you don’t want to be present when they criticize the world. If you are on the phone with them or visiting in-person, cut the phone conversations or the visits short once they start criticizing.

    *”I’m too terrified of repeating certain patterns in my life”- I wonder what patterns you are referring to.

    anita

     

    #324827

    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    Hey Anita!

    Thank you for replying back to me.

    So I’m into astrology and I’m a Gemini. When I said that I wanted to become a different person, I mean a person who is confident. Someone who just accepts life in its frustrating yet wonderful paradoxical nature. Sometimes when I go online, I see how people yearn for a better life. That’s what happiness is for, right? You need happiness to thrive to the highest potential you can accomplish. That’s likely part of the reason why I set high standards to get a job and to travel all over the world like I always wanted to. But when you’re part of a system that’s broken for so long, you almost start to lose hope.

    Which is why it’s not that simple for me to move out of my house. A mentor of mine once told me that finding a job is a job in itself. You know what, Anita?

    I think I just answered my own dilemma. And it’s funny too because I thought about going back to therapy but lately, I’ve been realizing that I have more strength in myself than I realized was ever possible.

    To answer your question about the patterns, it mostly ties back to my family. We have a history of not always communicating well, and frankly, I don’t see that changing soon. There’s also the fact that I’m mentioning them again around Thanksgiving time. I wrote a post about them before. I’m just glad they don’t go on this website. We all have different interests.

    If I had to give advice to myself, I would just keep being confident and try very hard not to get those things to me. I’ve done things because of other people’s opinions from unliking what I was into to deactivating a social media account. That’s not going to happen anymore.

    #324829

    Aiyana Henderson
    Participant

    I also have more resources than I ever thought was possible. That would make people’s lives easier if they had the gusto to be confident in what they form to accomplish their goals. Maybe I can have a career as a motivational speaker.

    #324871

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aiyana Henderson:

    You are welcome.

    I hope you do become more confident, and maybe you can have a career as a motivational speaker. I understand that you are not currently employed (“finding a job is a job in itself”) and you are living with your family.

    I think it is your family that you referred to as “a system that’s broken for  so long, you almost start to lose hope”- what an original way to state things.

    It is exciting then, that one day, you will set yourself free from that broken system. It will take planning, patience, taking one step at a time.

    anita

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