Matt,

Great name! Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. No where does it say “doesn’t need help”. We all need help! When I became an eagle, it was because of the efforts of many scouts and leaders teaching and reteaching. Even the project is about getting the community to help us do service.

Perhaps you could talk to a guidance counselor about your difficulty with self esteem. They are an often overlooked resource!

With Warmth,
Matt

Some say that meditation is the only way to become sane. If you are considering meditation, that’s great! There are often local meditation centers (such as Buddhist temples) where you could get instruction. From your words, i think a Zen center might do well for you if available.

Reaching my goal to become an Eagle scout was not easy, in fact as a Life scout I almost gave up on my goal all together and would have if it had not been for my fellow scout troop members who looked up to me. Over a four day Jamboree with four hundred other troops and a multitude of team building exercises, my life saving skills were put to the test when a young man lost his footing and fell headfirst into a rushing river. What seemed like an easy rescue became a war that could have turned into a horror story. It would take a human chain of over fifty people to pull both of us to safety. Our victim had a nasty head wound but overall was in good shape.
Questioning my own self worth became a ritual for me as well and not following a set of directions has become a norm for me. I like to figure things out on my own and with that liberty I very often have to start all over again before I get it right. In your own experience, Matt you discovered that it takes more than one person to acheive a goal and that is usually true, so learn to embrace that and it will serve you well.
YOU are still a young man and you will learn much more in the years that follow and difficult days will come as well as triumphs. Continue to be curious as your taste for discovery blooms.
During my years of physical excertion, I found my every waking moment thinking of racquet sports especially hard court racquetball competitions. Because of how close my job was to the downtown YMCA, it was not uncommon for me to play six to eight hours a day. My obsession made relationships almost non-existant so with the help of others I was able to regain myself as a person. Little did I realize but my obsession with racquetball trophies became a wall between my own true emotions and the outside world. So I have learned a sense of balance and I am a better person by doing so.
Recognizing your own weakness is actually a strength and so is asking for help from others. Never ever forget that your connection to God is very important.
Be well and always walk in peace.