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What happened??

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  • September 5, 2017 at 12:38 pm #167086
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daisy:

    The title of your thread is “What happened” and not Whose-fault-was-it. I will explain:

    As I see it, this relationship could not have possibly worked out no matter what you said or did. I don’t think there was anything you could have said or done to make this “7th heaven” extend any longer than it did, for you. Nor do I see that it could have developed into a healthy, loving relationship in realistic terms. The reason for my belief is that as he stated to you after the first two times, that he was not ready for a relationship, and as he stated to you later, he did/ does have those “mental issues” you mentioned, issues that are the reason why he is not ready.

    You wrote that you gave him “enough space and time”- thing is, he needs more than space and time.

    I think he talked to you about marriage and kids, called you his girlfriend so to please you, to give you what you wanted, well… a little of what you wanted, somewhat, a token.

    anita

    September 5, 2017 at 12:52 pm #167096
    Daisy
    Participant

    Thank you again. Maybe I should have asked whose fault it was. The thing is I was the restrained one, the not so emotional one. When he asked me to change my Fb status I asked him to wait and I told him it was too fast to do that. So on my part there really wasn’t any desire to go as fast as we did. He might have been pressured by his surroundings to get a girlfriend, but I really liked him for him. He never really bothered to get to know me while I soaked in everything he would tell me about his job and his life. I really liked him and caree about him.

    September 5, 2017 at 1:01 pm #167100
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daisy:

    You are welcome.

    Clearly, you did like him very much. If the title of your thread was Whose-fault-was-it, it being the failure of the relationship,  my answer would have been: it was not your fault. It couldn’t have been successful no matter what you said or did, no matter your intention or how much you cared about him.

    anita

    September 5, 2017 at 1:15 pm #167108
    Daisy
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you. I guess I didn’t want to admit to myself that he just wasn’t able to have a relationship. He did send me all those texts and said all the right things and I think it had a lot to do with the pressure of his surroundinga. But then I feel used… could you help with one more thing? I haven’t seen him since the break up and we are attending the same event soon and will have to be close to each other a lot and do things together. I am concerned about how to act especially since he proclaimed me a terrible girlfriend, insulted me publicly and clearly doesnt feel he had done anything wrong. Thank you.

    September 5, 2017 at 1:36 pm #167122
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daisy:

    Somehow let him know before or during the event that you accept the breakup and the ending of the relationship, that you have given up on it being any more than what was, that you are okay with it being over.

    Let him know that it is best that the two of you act respectfully toward each other and about each other (as in talking to others), and that you are willing to put aside all past conflicts, to act civilly and respectfully toward each other.

    anita

     

     

    September 5, 2017 at 5:30 pm #167138
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Daisy,

    I’m the one who stated, based on your original post that I felt he is toxic and unstable. I don’t know him, and I was giving my honest opinion. Which is the reason I put numbers by the reasons I thought he was unstable. I was not trying to be critical or negative in any way, I just care, and feel you deserve better. I apologize if I said anything to offend you. I hope you have a great evening. x

    September 6, 2017 at 5:22 am #167300
    Daisy
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for your message. I really don’t want to contact him or explain anything to him since this is the man who tried to publicly shame me and insult me. The second I saw this on the internet I gave up on him. The second a person takes it to the public arena (not anonymously like this) to me it’s a sign of great disrespect, immaturity and vengefulness. He knows very well how he behaved while we were together and I believe it to be completely uncalled for. I will keep my cool though at the event. Thank you again.

    September 6, 2017 at 5:23 am #167302
    Daisy
    Participant

    Dear Eliana,

    Oh please don’t apologise. This is your opinion of my version of events. I tried to be objective although it is never possible. You did not offend me at all. Thank you for your kind words.

    D

    September 6, 2017 at 7:58 am #167314
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Daisy:

    You are welcome. It is a shame that he has been aggressive toward you and publicly. That is too bad. How indeed incongruent with his talk about marriage and children, isn’t it.

    You wrote earlier about the great discrepancy between the very short amount of time you spent together and the topics of conversation (marriage and children). If in the future you spot this or another great discrepancy in a person’s behavior, examine it, ask the person to explain it to you. That may prevent a future heartache.

    anita

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