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What is attracted to us?

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  • #93463
    Cyd
    Participant

    Hi posters,

    I’m currently trying to better understand a pattern in my life. I always seem to attract people that are emotionally unavailable and who seem to not even be aware of it or have a good way of dealing with it. Psychologically, these people don’t have the ability to show emotions or even empathize with others. I want to know why these type of people flock to me. I show emotions a lot. To me, emotions make me feel alive. You have not lived until you’ve felt. I also realized that these people hate to be wrong and also try and manipulate others and make them feel they have all the issues. That’s another thing that drives me insane! I want to know what is it about me that I can change to not attract emotionally unavailable people.

    #93465
    yogagirl
    Participant

    Hi Cyd,

    I can relate to this post well I seem to attract people with “broken wings”. It could be you attract these people in maybe a sense you hope you are the “one” that can fix them?
    If you have a lot of love and emotion and a good energy these people will be drawn to you. Perhaps you need to find a way to fish out early on, who is good for you and who isn’t.
    I am a physical empath who has way too much emotion and love and I seem to get a lot of negative people latching on to me – it is draining.

    I hope you find someone who can be on you frequency!!

    Bevan

    #93481
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cyd:

    My thoughts about your post:

    It may be that it is not that you attract these people, but that there are so many, many… many people who are troubled (as I have been), so many, many.. people who are so busy with their own distress that they do not have the “space” to see you (as I have been), to empathize with you… and there are so many, many people who feel so much shame that they are unable to look inside themselves for doing anything wrong (because that would mean ALL of them is wrong) that to relieve their anxiety they are in the habit of pointing to others as the guilty ones, so to avoid looking at themselves.

    So many people like that.. that these are the people you are going to come across in your life, in anyone’s life.

    anita

    #93961
    Michael
    Participant

    Hi Cyd,

    I would like to elaborate on Bevan’s comments – Indeed, it sounds like you are emphatic. Do realise this is powerful, and you can help or inspire others with your positive being. It is best you deliberately seek and connect with others like you, so you can safely experience this wealth with them. However, you cannot be ‘vulnerable’ like this with everyone. And so, try become more aware about how this is a strength and how it can also be a weakness…

    Because you are accepting of vulnerability, you therein allow others to be vulnerable in your presence. Many people do not allow this, and so, what you are is positive; you let people ‘be’ or admit to sides of their ‘true selves’. To them, this is both affirming and comforting. However, know that vulnerability is difficult many, some have not learned to deal with it, others may become fearful and defensive, others express vulnerability only in a selfish manner and they will feed off you in abusive/dependent manner unaware and they will invalidate at the same time…

    Recognise that showing vulnerability, makes you vulnerable too. And know that no one will respect you more than you do. And so, possibly, you need to be more self aware in your expressions and relations to protect self. Also, do not ‘advertise’ your inner conflict or insecurities, if you do. When people can see you are ‘free’ and unaware in how you express and relate, they may see opportunity to abuse in their advantage. Embrace your quality, but also understand it and be protective of it…

    Recognise that, using extreme examples, some people experience the world more strongly through feeling information with emotion and intuition, while others experience more strongly through ‘rationalising’ information with the mind as such… In other words, while you are preoccupied with the emotional, others are more preoccupied with ‘calculating’ the world. You will feel as if you are always ‘too late’ when they act or ‘strike’ for they express intent that is much more ‘calculated’. It is therefore harder to deal with these people and counter act. However, their behaviour is not necessarily ‘wrong’. Your intent originates from a different ‘place’; You simply ‘express’ differently… Your response should not be to become calculating in response, but instead become more aware.

    You will find it hard to develop the desired intimacy depth with such people and keep the type of mutual respect you want, so instead be aware of this ‘superficiality’ or reconfigure how you invest… Review your choices, expectations, beliefs and boundaries and communicate these better. Do not forget to stand up for yourself. Do not lose yourself, take time. Always stay aware of what you express, choose and create within each moment, i.e. did you let someone get the better of you? Also, do your desires and needs play a role? Did you fool yourself perhaps? Are there early warning signs you keep ignoring? Trust yourself. Also, you might mistakenly view an act as vulnerability or intimacy and so you may open up more, try harder, for too long and in a manner you can become ‘victimised’…

    Empaths often fall victim when dealing with narcissists. So I advise that you educate yourself on narcissistic behaviour which you appear to be referring to. Important is that you try to look inward for answers and learn more about yourself and the choices (becoming more aware of them) you make that lead to such negative experiences, as only you can change in relation to others…

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