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What is the lesson I need to learn here?

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  • January 30, 2014 at 8:44 am #50008
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Over the last 7 years I was on a spiritual journey. I was a happy go lucky girl. I was genuinely happy and content with myself, and life in general. I had faith and belief in myself.
    The only thing I wanted was a relationship to experience companionship, intimacy and share the journey of life with someone. All I got was guys who wanted to dump there excess baggage on me and wanted me to carry it for them, or someone who wanted me to make them happy. The guys I met wanted something from me, excepting me.

    I did meet the one long time ago and expressed my feelings, only to be turned down. I accepted and continued on my spiritual and self-love journey.

    Last year I accepted someone my parents chose (I am asian and turned 31). Left a well-paid job and lifestyle abroad to be with him, just to be left at the alter. I thought he was a nice guy, but he turned out like the rest wanting many things from me.

    Now I do not have any self-confidence or faith left in me. I am completely broken, full of negativity. I lost trust in people and I don’t look forward to the future. All the doors are closed for me, I tried moving away from this place, as it is not serving me, but in vain. I am a zombie now, without any emotions or feelings left, even for me.

    Is wanting a relationship, ends up not having it at all, for life?

    January 30, 2014 at 8:51 am #50009
    Prakhar
    Participant

    Try not to rely on others for your happiness. You are your source of happiness and joy. Don’t give relationships so much importance. You were happy before that right. Start loving yourself do what you like and you will meet someone who will be worth all it.

    January 30, 2014 at 4:27 pm #50033
    Lauren
    Participant

    Smita….your post struck a chord with me, cos I also struggle with being single whilst craving love and intimacy….so I hear you!! (& I’m 33y/o by the way!)

    Prakhar is right though….do not rely on others for your happiness. Only YOU can make YOU happy….& if you turn to others to make you happy then you will set yourself up for recurring disappointment, when other people do not meet your expectations. Try looking inwards here (rather than outwards) through reading, meditation, yoga (or whatever you enjoy doing)….be completely honest with yourself and be kind to yourself….and you might be surprised with what you find!

    I am also on a deeply spiritual journey and I am learning (albeit slowly and harshly!) that my singleness does not and WILL NOT define who I am as a person. Yes, it is part of me & a part that I struggle to accept often….but it is NOT all of me. I have started to shift my mindset and focus on what I DO have in my life and I have soooo many things to be grateful for….rather than focus on what is ‘missing’. Just this simple change in focus has been very helpful for me and has given me a lot of perspective. I have also learned to trust that I am exactly where I need to be in my life and to also trust that the same path that has bought me to where I am right now, will take me to wherever I need to go….as long as I open my heart and not create obstacles for myself along the way (i.e., letting my mind/ego get in the way).

    There will always be times when we are struggling (and remember, that EVERYONE goes through these phases – but this is a phase and these negative emotions WILL pass, I promise!). But, it is the negative and difficult times in our lives that often present the greatest opportunities and potential for positive, spiritual growth. Look for the opportunities in each moment…there are tiny snippets of joy available every day, that we can experience even when we are feeling negative…the sun on your face, the birds chirping outside, a cold drink on a hot day, or whatever floats your boat 🙂 Grab these opportunities and appreciate these little moments…that’s what helps to get me through. Take time to ask yourself exactly what you have titled this post, cos you are right…there is a lesson to be learned here (& chances are it actually has nothing to do with being single!)…but only YOU can find that out! Take care 🙂

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by Lauren.
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