What should I do? to message her or not to message her…

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    Hi all, I’ll try keep this brief.

    Me (21F) and this girl (23F) have kinda had an unspoken attraction towards each other for a while now. First time we met she told me she liked me, but I wasn’t really ready for anything and it was quite unexpected.

    Since then we’ve seen each other every now and then in group settings but nothing has happened. However, in November we were at a party (I live in a COVID free country thank god), and she finally made a move on me and I showed her that I was attracted to her too, but she was too drunk and I was sober so nothing happened. Afterwards I messaged her to ask her what she was thinking about everything and we both said we really liked each other but not only do we live in different cities now, but also she said she was in a weird place mentally atm and not ready for anything serious. I understood and agreed, and we both said we would see each other when we were next in the same city. We talked over a few days after that conversation but we haven’t spoken in about a month.

    I’m not sure what to do now. I would love to talk to her and I still have feelings for her, but I’m not sure if I should also just give her space so she can figure her stuff out. We will potentially be in the same city at the end of Feb/beginning of March but only if I message her to ask her plans probably. I don’t want to be overbearing, but I still like her, and I don’t know what she’s thinking about everything.


    Dear LucyMac:

    Because you haven’t spoken to each other in about a month, sending her a message now, a month after the last communication, will not be an overbeating move on your part. If I was you, I would send her a short, friendly message asking her an open ended question about her life, a question as simple as: how are you? According to her response (or lack of), you can figure how to proceed.


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