lotuslotus,

I’m sorry that you’re going through this. It must be doubly frustrating to be far away from each other and have him become more distant.

No relationship is ever going to be perfect. There will be times when you have to make compromises. There will be rough times and better times. But you’re right: actions do speak louder than words. Effort and communication should go both ways and be open and honest. I feel like after almost 2 years together and talking regularly, you should definitely be able to talk about serious things like the future, and him being distant in the relationship. What’s missing from your post is his feelings. Besides saying he loves you, has he told you how he feels about being together? Does he say he doesn’t want to talk about it? Just be strong and brave and have this serious conversation! It’s not fair to you or him to keep acting like everything is ok when it’s not. It’s super stressful for you, and he may be wondering why you’re asking for attention. Not saying anything is the quickest way to have your feelings hurt even more and possibly start resenting him for hurting you. May I suggest you consider three things? 1: Be honest with yourself about what you want in this relationship and how it makes you feel (it sounds like you’ve already done this). 2: Be honest with him, and give him the same opportunity to express his feelings and needs. Tell him why this is important to you. Agree on a good time to have a serious talk. Be honest with your answers to his questions, and ask him to be honest when answering your questions. 3: I don’t have a better way of putting this- know what you’re willing to put up with and what you won’t compromise on. For example: If he consistently doesn’t change something he said he would, doesn’t have a good reason, or always has an excuse; know when enough is enough for you.

Maybe he is just busy but he should be truthful about what these new activities in his life mean for your relationship together. A really good quote I read somewhere: ‘A relationship isn’t about who you were in the beginning but who you become when you’re together.’

Instead of thinking of how things were in the beginning and before he was busy (because things are usually great during those times), ask if you like who you are when you’re with him, and if you like who he is now and how he treats you after 2 years. Best of luck my dear!