Dear TheTHinker:
I hope that in your counseling session you and your wife studied Interpersonal Skills- for example communicating with EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect. EAR entails a lot of skills and practice- did the counselor address this? Teach you? Did you practice?

My answer to When is it too late? It will be a problematic Too Late situation if you have a child together, so i hope you do not, until and if the interpersonal skills are learned and practiced.

And it might be too late or just No-point-to-it if she or you or both are not willing, not motivated to learn the skills and practice them over time, with patience but with full intent and goodwill.

Take care and please post again:
anita

Dear TheThinker:
You wrote that the counseling session you went to were of quality because great tools were offered and taught, so lack of or ineffective counseling/ therapy is not the problem. You wrote that you are the one trying to use them but she did not and is not trying to use them. Obviously, these kinds of tools are meant for BOTH parties to use them together. You cannot do it alone… So, my logic goes- no hope for the relationship unless she becomes willing to use those tools and you become re-motivated to use them.

You write that it looks like her motivation in psychotherapy sessions was to make you wrong and herself right- this is a common motivation and a dead end in a relationship.

When to throw the towel? As a child myself born to a mother and father who shouldn’t have had me, I say: throw in the towel BEFORE you have a child. From a point of view other than my projection into the unborn, this is my input:

when you are ready.

Take Care:
anita