I met my boyfriend overseas a week before I had to leave. When I returned to my home country, I took a leap of faith and decided that I would go back to Taiwan for a year to study and be with him. Since we both felt that it was rare to meet someone and have this kind of connection. The year we spent together was great. He was working there as an expat and I was studying and doing part-time, but I had the freedom to be with him almost everyday and all we did was love each other to the fullest. We rarely fought, always talked about the future, our dreams to travel and be together, be stable and even tie the knot. We knew my time was limited, and at first it was easy for him to say he would move back to Australia with me, or that I could stay an extra year after coming home to visit family. When the time came, things didn’t go as planned.

I came home to Aus, and he stays working in Taiwan. I was suppose to go back after two months here, but I couldn’t due to family. So he planned to come here for a few months, to test out the life here, but he got a promotion and everything changed. Suddenly, it was like our plans to stay together had to put swept aside for career. As he is approaching 30, and i’m still in my early 20’s I can only try understand. He says he needs to focus on his career so that he will be in a position to be where he wants and not worry about being tied down to a job in a certain country. I also want the same thing, so that we can be together, anywhere. I am willing to have a year to focus on ourselves, our career but in my heart i still feel strongly about moving abroad to be with him. I know that my feelings will not change, it has been 5 months apart now. The only issue I have is, that he says we must accept that it’s no longer an official relationship, since we may be hurt down the track if plans fall through again. (He has been through LDR before and been hurt) He says his feelings are the same, but he must be careful about what he says, not to get our hopes up and get hurt but that means not saying ‘I love you’ or any of that sort of talk. Not until we are sure we can be together. It’s hard enough doing LDR with constant communication. Now its not official, and less communication. I think it’s either really smart or really stupid. If we love each other so much, isn’t this complicating things? Is career an excuse? Or a legitimate fear for a guy reaching 30. I’m working hard to move back with him, but I’m afraid he will not be ready by the end of the year. Or he says it may take more than a year, or never. And that sort of thinking hurts me deeply. I have doubts sometimes that maybe he has accepted and moved on with life, and i’m no longer part of his goals. What if he meets someone? I’d be devastated to feel like my hard work will be for nothing. I feel lost, about what my heart wants and what I deserve to be happy. One year is not long or short. Day by day I struggle and think about him. I won’t give up, but my mind is driving me insane. My perception of time is affecting how i live my present life. Like everything is just a lead up to the one year mark. How can I deal with this situation in a better way?