It wasn’t long ago that my life completely changed. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to express what I’ve learned through my trials and experiences. Until I was 26 years old, I rarely knew what difficulty was or how to cope with it. I excelled at school and got a job as an RN at a brand new hospital in a fast paced Emergency Department. It was the first and only application I filled out after having graduated nursing school with honors. I practically got a very well paying job handed to me and I was only 21. I had a brand new car, I was living with my high school sweetheart and had more money than I could spend. Although my job was sometimes difficult, I enjoyed it and I was fairly good at what I did. I married my first husband when I was 24. The only part of my life that made me unhappy was the fact that I was severely overweight. In 2008 I had gastric bypass surgery and breast augmentation. I switched to another hospital and was making even more money than before. My husband and I had a beautiful three bedroom house in a great neighborhood. I had a lot of friends and I had great relationships with most of my family. Everything was perfect, I was starting to like my appearance for the first time in my life, and had three adorable dogs, what else could anyone ask for? It was then that everything fell apart. Body Dysmorphic Disorder set in and I began to binge and purge. My husband lost his job which meant I had to work more hours. I started being prescribed serious medications for Borderline Personality Disorder and was seeing a therapist. It was now a struggle to pay the bills, my hair was falling out from the lack of nutrients, and my husband was staying out later and later and wouldn’t answer his phone. Some nights he didn’t come home at all. In April of 2009 just before Easter, I found out my husband was cheating on me. I began taking medication from my hospital so that I could numb myself and escape how horrible things were at home. I confronted my husband about his affair and when it became clear to me that he had no remorse, I assaulted him and got arrested. When I got home from the police station, I decided I had no alternative but to kill myself. We were behind on our mortgage, my husband was sleeping with my neighbor’s daughter, my family and friends were avoiding me, I felt so empty and desperate, so alone, that I just wanted it to be over. I took about twenty percocet with a glass of wine, tore a hole in my left wrist, climbed into a hot bath and asked God to forgive me. When I woke up the next morning, I got dressed and went to work. My manager was waiting for me, she was aware that I had been stealing medication, but when she saw the state I was in, inebriated and still bleeding from the night before, she had me involuntarily committed to the psychiatric unit of the hospital I worked in. I spent almost a week there, scared and confused, not knowing what was going to happen when I left, if they let me leave. I was eventually discharged to my parent’s care where I proceeded to attempt to kill myself two more times. I lost my nursing license and was forced into and Intensive Outpatient Program for stealing the Percocet from my hospital. My husband filed for divorce. I was 26, unemployed, divorced, living back with my parents, and dealing with severe Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms, not to mention the Body Dysmorphic Disorder issues. After a few months I reconnected with an old friend who ended up taking me in when my parents moved to Florida. She was my savior. She didn’t charge me rent, fed me, and reminded me to take my meds. I had started dating a guy I met online and was working a retail job, finished my outpatient program and was getting by, I was getting sick now though, under a hundred pounds and often tired and weak. It was soon after that the guy I met online started emotionally abusing me. I had lost my job at the retail store, lost my truck and had no money. It was then that my sister opened her home to me in Missouri. She had my stomach issue fixed and I was able to eat again, gaining weight and starting to become healthy. The abusive man from back home begged me to come live with him and since I was still gullible, I took the bait and moved home. It lasted two weeks before he told me to leave. I had nowhere to go and was homeless until my parents could take me in at their home in Florida. I stayed there a few months, and at my father’s suggestion, got back into school. I started my Bachelor’s degree in Substance Abuse Counseling with hopes that one day I could work with drug addicted and suicidal adolescents. When I had saved up enough money, I moved back to Missouri, I found a job that paid the bills and was simply getting by. Then, in April of 2012, a man asked me on a date. He was funny, handsome, and very kind. He accepted my flaws and loved me the way I was. We adopted a chihuahua together. His family loved me and my sisters loved him. He asked me to marry him over the microphone at our crowded church service. I accepted and we were married on the anniversary of our first date. We have a beautiful apartment and a spoiled rotten blonde chihuahua. I’m almost done my Bachelors degree and planning on starting my doctorate this summer. I have managed not only to survive, but to thrive. I got through drug dependence, multiple suicide attempts, disastrous and abusive relationships, homelessness, mental illness, isolation, and desperation and managed to build a happy and fulfilling life. When I was in the midst of the turmoil, I was scared and angry. I thought I deserved more, deserved better. I felt broken and completely out of control of my life, just blowing in the wind, being tossed and dragged from one dead end to another. Two things have become apparent to me now that I am through that storm. The first is that the world and other people in general don’t owe me anything. Just because my life had been so easy when I was younger doesn’t mean that I deserved things to be easy. The second is that it’s life’s trials that make you a better and stronger person. If I hadn’t gone through the pain of depression and suicidality, loss and emotional abuse, poverty and homelessness, I wouldn’t know how strong and capable I am, and moreover, I wouldn’t have discovered my true desire to help others going through the same desperate situations. While it’s true that I wanted to die in April of 2009, it was God’s will that I didn’t. God gave me a set of difficult circumstances so that I could grow and learn, but also so that I could realize my strength. It is only in the hard times that we can see what we’re made of and what we’re capable of overcoming. Instead of being angry about what I’ve been through, I stand here today grateful. I’m thankful that I endured those trials and learned who I am and how strong I am. Things aren’t perfect today but because of what I have lived through, I see positives even in negative situations and have a heart that is filled with love and gratitude. I am not perfect, but it’s my imperfections, my experiences, my story that make me beautiful and that alone is reason to be grateful.