Jason,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand the painfulness of isolation and aimlessness. Like a ship without keel, swaying this way and that, depending on the daily breeze, alone in a vast ocean of time and space. Fine while hunting, comfortable when hunting, but aside from hunting, what have you got? A few things came to heart as I read your words.

The place you’re at is normal, usual, happens to most of us, and is actually quite fertile. Its like a big question mark, a “hmm, what next” kind of space. Wisdom grows quick here, so be peaceful!

Consider that you’ve noticed how material happiness isn’t lasting, isn’t keeping the playful boy alive. Actually, its keeping him snoozing, distracted from what makes you happy, joyous. Said differently, don’t buy the machismo BS, the mentality that it is through endless grinding of our body against nature that brings us skill, power. Instead, its through hunting and home, action and nurturing… we find a balance of charging into the nature with courage, and then sitting down, resting, licking wounds, finding inner peace. This allows us to sidestep needing the whack-a-mole game to amuse us. Another toy to buy, thing to have, task to do, game to hunt… gets boring, thankfully.

Instead, as we turn to self nurturing, or being alone in a comfortable environment that inspires us quietly, such as nature, museum, gallery, bath tub, and trying to just be at ease, restful in body and mind. Letting go of the past, stop pushing toward the future, and just be, present. This let’s the light rekindle, the inner Jason-boy to come out and play. More mature now, better at aiming, more awake, but the same kid on a journey in a sandbox. What do you want to do next, friend? Its your canvas!

As far as the feeling of joyousness, that arises alongside skillful giving. Being generous. My teacher helped me see that as we offer our positive intentions skillfully toward the good of self and others, our bodies respond with an appreciative joy, grateful to feel connected, additive. Even if it doesn’t turn out, such as offering your wife a spontaneous shoulder massage and she shuns you, pushes you away, you could rest knowing that you did your best, followed your heart, tried to reach out, and so forth. Not “ahhh, she doesn’t want me” or “dang, I wanted sex”, or what not, not as absorbed into each attempt… joy sprouts from our own good intentions, not their result.

And then, its just a play, a garden to grow. What do you like to do? Want to find your wife again? Want to move on? Finding her is more about wooing, less about rebuilding. Her heart a stranger to yours? Break out the old flirting textbooks and pick a few that sing to your heart. You found her once, you can do it again. If you want to, of course. Less dwelling, “oh, don’t you remember how we used to…”, more, “holy shit you’re beautiful, would you share a dance with me, dear love?”

Namaste, brother, may your rudder find its purchase.

With warmth,
Matt

Hi,

I don’t really know how to start with..Describing myself from childhood and school days, I was very shy, not talking to anyone feeling, I didn’t know what to talk. I used to understand that people do always make fun of me. I never had any friends.I used to cry over little things – for example people not understanding me, my school mates not giving me attention, giving me taunts on every aspect.During my college days,again I faced the same..I started working. I didn’t talk much with anyone much.I actually wasn’t interested in the gossips generally that a girl does. But trying still to be a part of group, when I looked at someone people do not consider me for their talk and included me only as humanity and because they wanted to.I then met one girl, seeing her I felt I should be like her matured, happy soul, sweet, simple, decent, she knew how to talk to others and I liked every aspect of her as a girl. She became my good friend.

Since my schooling till my college days, people think that I am stubborn, not a good person to talk to, looking at me either angrily or with pity. During this process, I started liking someone. For every minute, every second I thought of him. It made me feel happy. I used to see him secretly from my home, specially go in front of him for his attention. I couldn’t figure out, was it love or just because I liked. I asked him and his response was negative, he didn’t accept me. However, for some time I felt i should not run behind him and kept that thought aside of having him in my life.During that sometime, I went far from my place, and that period made me cried, made me strong and somewhere it made me firm that I shouldn’t think of him.

It was melting like ice when I saw him just once again after coming back to my place. And the other day was so happy and on top of the mountain when he came back to me and he said he is sorry…My complete strength that I accumulated made me damn weak.

I convinced him to talk to me. Going on with conversation daily, he started getting habituated to my calls, my messages, my care for him..some where he felt incomplete without me.I started liking him more and more. We met and started roaming around together. The meetings went on and on..We were happy for every moment, spent together. However, I committed many unintentional mistakes during my relationship, he forgive me for all and he fought for me with his friends, who think I was not good, to be with me.
I just felt comfortable with him, he always handled me in the worst.

There came a time where I had to even think about my parents financially. So taking a decision to study further I went to other town, and My love was with me and I had a blind faith on him, he will be always with me. He also belonged from the similar caste, similar background financially, from family point of view. He was my friend, my best friend, my buddy, my love, my whole and soul.

Scared in the other town, I was shy, reserved and not dressing up beautifully, thinking, I wanted to dress beautifully only for my love. People didn’t talk to me much, neither do I. But I was happy and satisfied, feeling my soul is with me.

But that is not the case.He started going around with someone else. I forgiven him, but I can’t even think to loose him. He started being rude to me and started giving excuses for not going with me. He left me forever,saying, “I know you and your parents are facing financial crisis, anytime if you require money, just let me know..!I am marrying to other girl whom I started loving when you were not present here.” This just broke me..Not thinking about anything but just wanted to die..completely shattered. Didn’t had any idea what will I do further..!I began asking everyone who knew about us to get him back anyhow..but nothing worked.I just received a flash of my mother’s face in front of me, thinking she struggled for me to make me nice, Shouldn’t I struggle a little?

I started working, but I couldn’t trust myself anymore.I feel no more love is in me to give it to any other person. Behaving rudely with others, not thinking about what others is thinking, feeling isolated,etc. were some of the characteristics of me.

I then started reading articles where I could get peaceful sleep.But life has become mess.Some suggested me to do arrange marriage and compromise on something which I always dream of, as I also had to think about my parents on the other side. I met few of them, they were well set, they were rich..but my heart never agreed for anyone and I said No to them who really liked me, thinking of me not mentally prepared. I don’t understand, Did I do right thinking of me or Is it that I should have thought of my parents first?

How shall I make my life worth living..? where I want love again, peace, and I could also give love to someone.

Also I am feeling bad as I met someone just trying to move on.. But I couldn’t and I said NO to him..I didn’t hurt him intentionally, but seems I have hurt him.. 🙁

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Shakti.

Jason,

Being present is about radically accepting that the meal you’re eating is exactly the meal you’re eating. Not so much “let go of the future dreams”, but rather, seeing what’s here now. That’s where the fertility is. For instance, spending the day dreaming of being a rock star distracts us from the instrument, which is where all the music is, the magic. Have the rock star dream, but tend the instrument. Have a vision of your garden, but keep your mind on the bulbs as you plant them. That’s where growth happens. 🙂 The rock star dream may change, the shape of the garden not quite what was envisioned, but there’s joy along the way, no matter what comes, as we learn to tend patiently. We’re growing too, after all… our tender shoots of happiness finding breath as we breathe, till, nurture, wait. 🙂

With warmth,
Matt