After experiencing a rather difficult break up, loosing my job, and being kicked out of my house. Im taking it all as a very large sign from the universe something I am currently doing is not working. Ive never been one to blame others for my circumstances. However, my opinion of myself and the appropriate way I act has always remained intact. Digging deep, I entertain the question, “well what if the way I’m acting, isnt are great as I thought it was.” I must admit as I look back over the past 2 years and as it specifically relates to my relationship. I can honestly say, its a sobering moment to realize the person you thought you were, wasnt the person you were acting like. I know I’m capable of being better, acting better. I know this, because Ive seen me do it. So why not then?

Im taking inventory of all my faults, flaws, but I cannot put my finger on the real problem. Is it me? or is it circumstance? is it my environment? or is it a little bit of all 3 that got me to where I currently sit? Throughout my reflection I struggle with one main premise. The dichotomy of human nature, the ying and yang of our personalities. The traits that sometimes make us great people, in other applications also make us act pretty rotten. So…. how do you know? how do you know when confidence, is over confidence? how do you know when insecurity is becoming emotional abuse to a partner? how do you know when standing up for your beliefs callously results in shutting out those of the ones close to you?

I read on here, about self esteem, self love, mindfulness, and all the “how to’s” to achieve them. Seems easier read than done. I guess I’m at a moment of internal conflict. Im in a state of complete identity loss. The person I think I am, isnt the person I have been acting like. If I am to be judged by my actions and not my thoughts, than who am I exactly?