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Why do i STILL like this guy??

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  • March 3, 2016 at 5:15 pm #97919
    Phenixx
    Participant

    Hi everyone thank you for taking the time to read this post.. I just really need to get this off of my chest.
    So within the last year and a half I made a huge change in my life, I completely uprooted from my old city with my stepfather into my mom’s city. I now live with her and it’s great. When I lived in my old city I was a heavy drinker and drug user… but I decided with the move that it is time to get sober and clean and so I have been since I got here.

    I began going to meetings and to counselors and getting to know myself a little bit more and why my addictions took place and it was pretty obvious, o was mentally abused and alienated away from my mother since I could talk and listen. And to numb myself I resorted to drugs and alcohol.

    So in these AA rooms I ended up meeting a guy who was around my age, and that is rare because I’m pretty young (early 20s) and so was he. We ended up talking and exchanging numbers after a meeting and ended up going out for a coffee. We had endless conversation and I truly liked him. We clicked so well. And then at another meeting he ended up telling me we need to stay friends. That I need to be given a real chance at sobriety (I was only 2 months in at this point) and he was a year and a half in. Needless to say I was pretty upset about it and also embarrassed. So that was it for the home meetings. I decided that I didn’t want to go back because each time I did my heart would pound out of my chest seeing him.

    That was last year in May. And just two days ago I re-entered the rooms again. I decided that I need to take sobriety seriously and put in more effort. I’ve been feeling very depressed and bored and feeling lost. Basically isolating myself from everyone. Been a rough year… but that’s another story. Alright, so when I went back to the rooms he’s the first person I see but everyone was so excited to have me back and congratulated me on making it and not giving in. It felt so welcoming… but during the whole time there he maybe looked at me once but had his head down the rest of the time. He never did try to talk to me and he didn’t even say congrats to me and honestly that hurt a little bit too. He looked out of it so I just try to keep that in mind too.

    But even after all these months passing my heart sill skips a beat when I see him. And I hope deep down he will talk to again.

    I don’t really know why I like him so much, we really only went on one date…. why can’t I get over this guy? I really feel like it’s going to drag me down if I keep these feelings.

    March 3, 2016 at 9:19 pm #97928
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Phenixx:

    Of course you could attend other AA meetings where he is not present?

    But even if not, you having feelings for this guy can be an opportunity for you to practice having strong feelings and tolerating them without drinking and using other drugs. An opportunity to feel your heart pounding and endure that excitement, the high of seeing him and the low of leaving a meeting without talking with him. Experiencing and enduring the hope and disappointment.

    You asked why you still like this guy? Because you are still lonely, isn’t it the reason? You had a connection with him and you don’t have such a connection with him or with anyone else, not like that, so you still feel strongly about him.

    You clicked with him through endless conversations: this is a connection made. We have a need to be known, for another to know us. And you felt he knows you and liked you. It is a great feeling.

    AA is a great program for many, and it is also the place where sometimes romantic or physical relationships develop, sometimes quickly and that can distract people from what they are in AA for. Maybe he suggested that you should be friends because he doesn’t want to be distracted from the program. Maybe he was depressed when he saw you and does not feel … sociable.

    I hope that you continue to attend AA and share, share and share some more. Make yourself known. Be honest and open. This is what the program is about, and it is about Principles, not Personalities. And it works if you work it (I love AA sayings!)

    Please do post anytime.

    anita

    March 3, 2016 at 9:20 pm #97929
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi Phoenix,

    Just finished reading your post and have to say that I’m really proud of you and all of your accomplishments on living a better and healthier life for yourself. As some people never make that transition which is sad but you did, which goes to show how strong you really are! 🙂 Incredible!

    I undertand that you are still working on yourself and that’s ok, as long as you continue on bettering yourself each day at a time, that’s all that matters. When you get depressed and sad, what helps you to lift your spirits up and make you happy?
    Perhaps take a personal journey while meditating/relaxing and figure out patiently when makes you happy.

    As far as the guy you like, you like him for who he is and that energy his soul gives off to you. Nothing wrong with that. In the future when you see him again, ask him if he’d like to go on a hike with you, farmers market or grab some lunch? 🙂

    Have a beautiful evening Phoenix.

    Sending you lots of love, positivity and light your way. 🙂

    M.

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