Home→Forums→Tough Times→Why I am scare of things
- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.
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November 15, 2017 at 7:58 am #178123dineshParticipant
I know every thing but not able to implement, I got scare of things and situation. I am not week. I am much strong compare to people physically but in life I think much and now every small things making me scare. I want to do something and not able to do because of my thought I ruined my life and doing continually. What should I do to come up out
November 15, 2017 at 9:58 am #178185AnonymousGuestDear dinesh:
Fear is very powerful. Physical strength does not take away fear. To develop emotional strength, that takes a lot of time and work, lots and lots of patience and gentleness, kindness to yourself.
What is behind your thinking that you ruined and are ruining your life?
anita
November 15, 2017 at 9:58 am #178189PeterParticipantI think you answered your own question: “I want to do something and not able to do because of my thought”
You must practice changing your thoughts. Take small steps. You do not have to replace one thought with another. For a start it might be enough to notice your unhelpful thoughts and then in a non-judgmental manner stop thinking about them. Eventually you will learn to stop fixating on unhelpful thoughts.
November 15, 2017 at 11:02 am #178229dineshParticipantI always think, something might went wrong. Beside knowing all are not true not able to stick on that
Why I ruined my life.
Thinking negative is my core problem and it generate Scarry thought.
I am wasting my time on negative thinking and it impacting on my career and personal life
Plz guide.
November 15, 2017 at 2:54 pm #178267PeterParticipantYou have not ruined your life. You are not your Past. You are not your memories, You are not your thoughts.
As a recovering over thinker with a tendency to fixate on what I’m afraid of I can relate to what your problem.
I found the process of learning to redirect my thoughts took time and practice. My first step was examining the idea of fear so that I was not fearing fear. The purpose of fear is to get our attention and provide the body with a burst of energy in-order to deal with the immediate threat.
There are three responses to immediate threat fight, flight, or freeze. When the threat is not immediate we still might react as if the threat was immediate and run away or freeze. When the threat is not immediate we can choose to respond to it however if we are not conscious of what we are doing there is a tenancy to use the burst of energy to fixate on the fear where we can’t stop thinking about it, and in this way, get stuck in our fear or Freeze.
The reactive mind does not distinguish between what is an immediate threat and what is not so the first step when one is afraid is to make that conscious. Is what you are afraid of an immediate threat requiring immediate attention. In most cases you will find that the threats and worries are not immediate so there is time to breathe and respond instead of reacting.
The next step is to identify the worry or threat by naming it. What is the worry? What is the Threat?
Fear is often False Evidence Appearing Real (F.E.A.R) and more often then not the things we worry about and fear never happen so naming our fears helps us sort out the real from the imagined.
Once you have named your fear and identify what is real and what is imaged you can take steps to deal with it. There will be times when you “fight” and time when you accept that you have done what you could, changed what you could and move one “flight” (you’re not running away from it but letting go having the wisdom to know what you can and cannot change) In this way you avoid “Freeze” and becoming stuck and fixated on freeze. (for an immediate danger freeze is a valid option but seldom helpful when the danger is not immediate.)
When I find myself fixated on my fear I remined myself of the following quotes which remind me to redirect my awareness away from the fear and change perspective so that I don’t become stuck
“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.” – Garth Stein
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
November 15, 2017 at 9:15 pm #178299KenParticipantHi all!could I seek your advice!
I noticed that I am fearful of tasks that are going to be assigned to me.I am fearful of not being able to meet datelines.this deprived me of many opportunities. How can I try to stop being fearful of things that have not happen and seize it as an opportunity?
Thanks all
November 16, 2017 at 4:07 am #178309dineshParticipantI will try to do what ever required to come out of my virtual images and will work on development of my actual personality.
Thanks Anita, Peter…
I will come up if any doubt.
- This reply was modified 7 years, 1 month ago by dinesh.
November 16, 2017 at 6:35 am #178341AnonymousGuestDear dinesh:
You are welcome. It is a powerful and damaging belief, to believe that you ruined your life. I wonder how this belief come about, how it started, in what circumstances. Maybe it is something you can explore in quality counseling/ psych0therapy.
anita
* Dear Ken: you can start your own thread, if you’d like. If you do, I will reply to you there.
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