fbpx
Menu

Why won't they let me move on?

Home→Forums→Relationships→Why won't they let me move on?

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • April 18, 2014 at 11:57 am #54991
    Shellie
    Participant

    I have two ex boyfriends who do not want to leave me alone.

    The first one is now married with a child….We will call him David. I deleted my Facebook accountant and he then added my dad as a friend. I think it was because he wanted to see if my dad would post anything about me. He also found me on LinkedIn and send my sister a message wishing me a happy birthday. When we first broke up he called my dad every other month and my dad would tell him how I was doing. He recently send my dad a message on FB too. He have been broken up for 4 years now.

    My most recent boyfriend, we will call him Brad, broke up with me but insisted that he truly loved me and that he needs to work on himself. He broke my heart but I still love him. I tried to be friends but it wasn’t allowing me the space I needed to move on. He would text me if he knew something was happening in my life, i.e. to wish me a happy birthday, good luck with my move, asking me about my new condo and work. I felt like he was just trying to string me along because he told me that he had no intentions on working things out as far as getting back together. He moved to another state over 1000 miles away. He had a conversation on the phone a month ago and he told me that he was lonely and depressed. I told him that he shouldn’t be because he got everything he always wanted (to move back to his hometown living near his family and he got his dream job). He responded that he had everything he wanted except for me. After this conversation, I realized that I need to stop talking to Brad for good because he is only playing with my emotions because he doesn’t know what he wants.

    Brad knows about David and how David constantly tries to monitor me via Facebook or through my family members. Now Brad is doing the same thing. We were together for a year and 3 months, and during that time, he never befriend any of my family on FB. Now, he recently sent my sister a friend request and I think he did this just so my sister would come back and tell me.

    My question is: why is this happening? Why did these two guys break my heart but refuse to leave me alone? Why break-up with someone and try to prevent them from moving on?

    April 18, 2014 at 1:01 pm #54993
    Kelly
    Participant

    Hi Shellie,
    As I was reading your post, I thought a lot about a website that I’ve turned to in trying to recover from my breakup. It’s called Baggage Reclaim, and this particular post might help you out:

    Boomerang Relationships & The Yo-Yo Girl

    There are a lot of good posts on that site if that particular one doesn’t exactly fit your situation.

    You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and won’t let these guys interfere too much in your life, so try not to let them occupy too much of your thoughts.

    April 18, 2014 at 1:28 pm #54994
    Matt
    Participant

    Shellie,

    Perhaps because you have a beautiful heart, and your love is is like a warm blanket. The more interesting question, why do they deserve your attention? Said differently, dogs bark in some neighborhood yard, but that’s not your home. They reach out for you, but its your choice to question and ponder why. Why even give them even that much attention? Don’t you have your own dreams to build? Things that your heart wishes you to grow?

    Focus on that, and let them call after you as they eat your dust. They only have the power you give them, so if you want them out of your space, just ignore their petty backdoor approaches… just breathe, move on, and get back to your dancing.

    If there’s a part of you that likes the attention, wants it… perhaps a little digging there would help. Perhaps “why do I pour my affections to unavailable men?” or “what am I hoping to find in their actions?” Could be some self esteem, lack of faith in love, any number of things drawing your attention toward them. What does it feel like?

    Namaste, may your mind settle and your heart open its wisdom.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    April 18, 2014 at 9:42 pm #55003
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Matt. Couldnt agree more !

    Shellie

    Let your ex-BFs go. They are not hanging on to you but you are. It may sound bizarre to your mind but hey, ask your heart and you will find the same answer. Matt explains it more compassionately in his post above as to why we do such things. Things flourish where our attention goes. Stop giving this issue your attention and they will wither away.

    May you find the courage to move on to better things. You are worth it.

    J

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.