Hi guys. So I have been with my wife nearly 12 years, married for almost 2 of them. We met in college and dated ever since and honestly we are the kind of couple other couples say they are jealous of because we are so in love and always have been. However just after I proposed she told me that she didn’t actually want children. I had always been out that I wanted kids someday and she agreed with me but after 8 years she told me she didn’t and had lied this whole time because she was scared I would leave her.

I am in love with this woman, I want to spend my life with her she really is everything to me. So at the time I said that we are both young ish (I was 28, she was 26) and that the future could turn in any direction so I wasn’t prepared to ruin what we have for something that may or may not come to pass. I said lets deal with it when it becomes an issue, if it becomes an issue.

Fast forward 2 years and though it has been brought up now and then, this morning she was in tears saying that I could leave her if I wanted to and that she doesn’t think she can give me what I want. I reiterated that I do not want to leave her, I do not want kids right now and don’t know if I ever will or won’t. She said it feels like she is being selfish and keeping me to herself for as long as she can. Like I’m a rental.

I do not understand why she can’t just play it as it comes and not worry until something becomes a problem. She kept saying she wants me to have the life I want but what I want is a life with her and until I decide whether I want kids or not I see no problems there.

Not to mention that I pretty much ask every mother I know from work and personal life how they felt about children and almost all of them stated they really didn’t want children until they hit 30 then something changed. So while I accept she says she doesn’t want children how can she know what she wants in a few years time? Why should we lose what we have put over a decade into on the back of a ‘maybe’. I accept her answer that she doesn’t want kids, neither do I right now but I would never say never about most things so to my mind until I wake up one morning and think now I want kids I am happy to say let’s forget about it.

Also my other argument is who’s to say that I won’t meet a hotter younger model and run away with her? Or a soulmate or something? Who’s to say she won’t meet someone better than me? World war 3 could break out and I won’t want kids then, we have no idea what may or may not happen so why is this any different? I wouldn’t leave because I felt like she could get someone who suited her better than me, I would carry on until it either happened or didn’t.

I never lied to her, I was honest from the start what I would like and for 12 years my opinion hasn’t changed, though I am open minded enough to say maybe I like the idea of kids but will never feel financially ready for them. She admitted to lying to me for years and by the time she told me the truth I couldn’t bare to walk away.

Now it seems that she thinks our relationship has an expiry date and I feel like I am a bit trapped. I do not want to leave her, I want her to be open minded enough to shelve the kids thing until it becomes a real issue and just enjoy the life we have. However whether I decided to stay or go, I feel like I’m the bad guy.

Am I just being dumb here? Should we call it a day after less than 2 years of marriage? I made my vowes and I know it can be difficult but I want to keep them.  But she seems like she is waiting any day for me to walk away.