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Wish someone & not engage or through spouse?

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  • #343462

    Hi,

    I have posted here several times & some may know I have a very difficult relationship with in laws including sisters in law. I have a sil’s birthday coming up (for those who have been responding to me, this is the other sil, not the one I have had major problems with). In the past I have been wishing her on birthdays & she does too. But, she normally will strike a further conversation & she normally has problem with boundaries (like she will give parenting advice, she gets nosey etc) . So, I normally try to wish her & hope she will end with a thank you & not ask anything further. But when she does I am left with dealing with her tactfully & thinking hard on what to say politely & discourage further talk. It makes me anxious for those days. I am really thinking of asking my husband to send birthday wishes to her from me as well & avoid one on one talk this time. But I am worried that will be considered ignoring / avoiding her? Also the other Sil , I don’t wish her at all ( and she doesn’t wish me) as she created major problems in our life before like family fights etc. So, would it give a feeling that the other sil is being treated same way? My Idea is to communicate through husband so she will stay in her boundaries & won’t bother with further communication. Is that rude or ok?

    #343472
    Anonymous
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    Dear curiousknowledgeseeker:

    The issue here is wishing your sister in law happy birthday on the phone, correct? I am thinking at this point that the issue is that your anxiety is focused on your husband’s family members- you feel anxious regarding any and every contact with them, obsess and ruminate, and all together, you are miserable whenever his family members come into your day via social media, phone, and in person.

    I didn’t quite think of it this way when I communicated with you in your previous threads. If this is the case, then there are ways for you to reduce your anxiety overall on a daily basis (ex., guided mindful meditations) as well as psychotherapy where you can learn to manage and lessen your family-in-law-based anxiety and obsession.

    anita

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