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  • #400220
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi @Helcat Thanks for your reply!

    That is a very noble goal! Potentially, one of the few reasons to stay. If you left the role, would someone else take over and likely achieve that goal? Perhaps you can still help people outside of this role?

    Awh, thanks! No, it has been more like my personal agenda than an organizational priority. I think I could still collaborate with my future colleagues in the future though to work on this if I were to leave things on a  good enough note.

    I can empathise with how you feel about HU1. In my old workplace management criticised people behind their back. It made me feel anxious and distrustful.

    Yes, it left a bad taste in my mouth, specially from someone in such a powerful position – still acting like a 5th grader.

    I think there are a lot of managers like HU2.It sounds like a combination of personal habits and the nature of the role. It sucks when it feels like management doesn’t value your ideas. But this doesn’t mean that they aren’t good ideas. There are likely a variety of factors in play.

    What I liked to do when being given lots of responsibilities is ask which is the highest priority and communicate expected time frames for each item. If HU2 gets upset when you are doing that, it is not your fault. As you said, it would be a lack of organisation on their part.

    Yes, I do communicate this stuff. They still get angry. Yes, thank you for the reminder !

    1. I can understand why this is upsetting. It sounds like they don’t value the time of their employees.

    2. I can understand since you explained HU2s nature. I am imagining somewhat stern and fatherly why the tone might sound different from other people who might genuinely hope to see you there. It would sound to me like someone wagging their finger sternly. “I want you to go to this.” It would have been more polite if he asked you “Would you be able to attend the event?” or “Would you like to attend?”.

    3. It is understandable why you weren’t there. Was your supervisor present at the meeting? Did you give notice to the meeting host that you wouldn’t be able to attend? My husband likes to message and let people know when he doesn’t attend meetings. The micromanaging seems a bit much. Personally, I don’t enjoy that management style.

    4. I think this links in with the theme of this company. They expect a lot of you. They expect you to sacrifice and they don’t seem to respect your time. It doesn’t sound like they have been receptive in the past when you communicated difficulties with a high workload. You are somehow expected to manage everything perfectly all of the time. When the reality is that we are all human, we all get tired and occasionally make mistakes.

    I wish you luck with your freelancing! Or in your current role. Whichever you decide, I am sure that you will be successful. You strike me as a professional that cares about their work.

    Thank you ! I appreciate the validation and the vote of confidence <3 !

    #400270
    anita
    Participant

    Dear greenshade:

    You are welcome. “I am looking for a place where I am not constantly going against my nature. Freelancing, and its build-your-own-path nature appeal to me more because it seems I would have more choice in how to structure my life… however… the uncertainty is scary” -reads like freelancing will fit your nature if you manage your anxiety along the way.

    In my previous reply, I wrote that you project your childhood experience with your manic father to your workplace, feeling trapped in your workplace like you felt trapped with him during his manic episodes. You responded:  “That makes sense. What would you recommend?” – I was going to recommend the difficult option of not visiting your father because I thought that visiting him reactivates your anxiety response to him, from earlier times, an anxiety response that spills into your workplace.

    But then I read: “I am comfortable with the amount I visit my dad, it’s on my terms, and I feel wholesome and healthy afterwards and I can leave whenever I want…  I enjoy my conversations with him and am getting to experience him as the person, not the person in active mania” – which means that you will keep visiting him. So, I have no other recommendation than managing your anxiety as you move into freelancing!

    anita

    #400271
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Greenshade!

    It has been a pleasure speaking with you!

    Awh, thanks! No, it has been more like my personal agenda than an organizational priority. I think I could still collaborate with my future colleagues in the future though to work on this if I were to leave things on a  good enough note.

    If it is up to you, I am confident that you would  manage to leave on a good note. This idea of collaborating with colleagues to continue to achieve your personal goals sounds like a good plan.

    “Yes, I do communicate this stuff. They still get angry. Yes, thank you for the reminder!”

    It’s unfortunate that your manager doesn’t have better control over their behaviour. I’m sorry that you have to deal with their emotional outbursts. This definitely sounds like a stressful work environment. Well done for coping with the stress for so long! But you do deserve better.

    I have been in a similar situation myself and honestly, I was relieved to finally walk away from that environment. I have been very lucky because the environment in my most recent job has been entirely different. It’s a breath of fresh air when coworkers are professional, kind and supportive.

    Oh, I don’t know if this will be helpful, but how I managed my anxiety at the poor work environment was by understanding that these people are behaving in this way not because of me or anyone else. But because of poor coping mechanisms. They do not have healthy skill sets that allow them to cope with stressors.

    I have a couple of questions. Before the more recent role you worked there in a previous role. How was your anxiety then? How did you cope then?

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by Helcat.
    #400297
    greenshade
    Participant

    Dear @anita,

    Thanks for your response! Even though we are on different pages about the visiting father thing, and I am perhaps using a different tool set to try to understand the situation (the myers briggs personality types – its outdated science but I still find it personally helpful. I type as INFP.) I appreciate your perspective and did take out time to consider whether it was still visiting my father that was impacting my feelings.

    I hear you on the managing anxiety around freelancing!

    Best,

    M

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by greenshade.
    #400299
    greenshade
    Participant

    Dear @Helcat,

    It has been pleasure for me as well!

    I am glad you are in a healthier environment! it sounds like it must have been a relief.

    Thank you for the validation and the vote of confidence! Yes, I think it can be easy to forget that better exists when you are in a place that’s less than great. I can try to find it.

    The previous role was three days a week and I had two days where I was working at a start up. I still got to do my passion projects via the start up so I was happy enough. The stress on the three days was high but the two days in the middle where i could just ignore all calls, emails and pressure from this workplace were great and that break was enough to keep me functional, even though it pissed off my supervisor and his secretary, I felt I was in the right so I could stick to it. It felt easier to boundary set because I had a documented outside commitment to the second work place.

    Best,

    M

    #400306
    anita
    Participant

    Dear greenshade/ M:

    You are welcome. “I am perhaps using a different tool set to try to understand the situation (the myers briggs personality types… I type as INFP” – very well mind. com: “INFPs typically do well in careers where they can express their creativity and vision. While they work well with others, they generally prefer to work alone”.

    Reads like working for a small business (someone else’s or one that you will start) where the atmosphere is relaxed, where you will not be micromanaged, where you will be working alone much of the time, and where your creativity and vision are respected and welcomed would be the right place for you.

    I appreciate your perspective and did take out time to consider whether it was still visiting my father that was impacting my feelings” – this fits with what I read (same online source): “INFPs are aslo interested in learning more about others and are willing to listen and consider many sides of an issue”.

    anita

    #400329
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Greenshade!

    Thank you for sharing! It makes sense that it was easier to set boundaries and manage the work stress when it was on limited days.

    #400928
    greenshade
    Participant

    Dear @anita and @helcat thank you for your replies and support in this thread!

    Best,

    M

    #400932
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, greenshade!

    anita

Viewing 9 posts - 16 through 24 (of 24 total)

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