I explored this website before but haven’t been here for quite awhile. In briefly glancing at some of the conversations, I am truly inspired by the level of insight and compassion, so I wanted to share something I have only been able to share with a therapist, but I would like to get some different perspectives.

My wife of 23 years has been cheating on me off and on for 4 years. This is not conjecture but has been proven several times via social media. Her current affair has been going on for almost 3 years. After several discoveries and several promises of letting him go, I have evidence she is still intimately involved with him.

I feel like an idiot and a classic enabler for returning to her over and over and don’t see how I can ever come to trust her again. I keep coming up with excuses not to confront her on the latest discoveries such as I don’t want to hurt the kids, she threatens to harm herself, etc., she is unemployed and neither one of us could afford to move out, etc. I am also a people pleaser and hate to upset anyone. My spiritual practice and running hobby seem to be the only thing keeping me from flipping out right now.

I take some blame for the degradation of our relationship because I wasn’t very emotionally available for much of our marriage. When I found out about her first affair, she told me this and I was inspired to change and try to become a better man. I feel like I made a sincere effort to do this and it seemed we had reconnected, but she continued in her affairs. At this point, I am acting and covering up that I still know this is going on, but I feel like this is sucking the life out of me. My daily meditation and daily thoughts are consumed by this along with financial troubles.

There is much more to the story, but this is the essence of it. I appreciate your perspective and feedback and hope I can share some helpful thoughts in the future when I am in a better state of mind.

Blessings…